Intermission – Tainted
by Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
She couldn't tell anyone how long she had been this way. She sat staring out the window in a small room somewhere she didn't know. It wasn't the first time Petro had come down here. While she couldn't tell you where it was she could find it with her eyes closed. Usually that was the case. Her mind would be spinning with emotions or thoughts about this or that and she would keep her eyes on her feet as they took one step in front of the other.
During the day she did her job, listening and routing communications. Most of the time the voices were distance and unattached. Even the ones she recognized were more like recordings than live conversation. No one ever wanted to speak with her directly, they just wanted security or docking managers or something of the like. The passage of time went by without notice and it wasn't until her relief arrived that she signed out and began walking. Sometimes she would go to her quarters for a while. Rakka was rarely there when she was because of their shifts. The Naasicaan was usually working or doing something security related. Lately though there seemed to be an increasing distance forming between them. An emotional chasm as it were.
Petro had fallen further into that chasm to the point where everything was on automatic. She knew her job and knew it well. Even when there were things that were out of the ordinary, she handled it with a mastery demonstrated by few. It was likely that no one had noticed her change in demeanor or physical features. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken her supplements and even she didn't notice the physical changes. She knew that the pelvic pains she had been having had subsided but didn't connect the two. She also noticed that her clothes were looser in certain areas but she didn't much care about that either. Her uniform still fit, as the material was designed for, but everything else seem wrong.
She changed into a t-shirt and a pair of slacks, found suitable walking shoes and left her quarters. She stared at her feet, her tiny feet as they moved one past the other. So small. So helpless were those feet. So insignificant like the legs that attached to them. Meaningless like the torso that remained unattractive. Plain like the face that looked at everything around it, knowing that it and the rest of the body would never belong. She had gone back to being the J'Naii that no one looked twice at. Her body had resumed its natural state and even her clothes had retreated to the plain grey to which she was accustomed. She had become a ghost once more.
Petro sat staring out the window into the darkness of space. Occasionally she would see a repair drone working on something or a shuttle passing her view. Most of the time it was just stars. Stars that, like her, seemed to be so distance and meaningless. She didn't feel sad or angry. It wasn't depression so much as it was a lack of feeling.
She was sure that Rakka had rejected her. Ever since that night when they talked about their relationship, Rakka was different. She supposed that she was too. The few times she did see Rakka, it was in passing and the expression in her eyes screamed for her to be left alone. It was clear that she had done something to upset her friend and now she was too afraid to ask. She might say or do something else and she shuttered to think about what might happen.
Down in this hole there was no one to talk to. There was no one that would bother her. There wasn't anyone who cared. Not that the last part wasn't true of the entire station but here there were no bodies to see the indifference in.
As it was with some nights, Petro started to nod off to sleep. The little sleep that she had were filled with terrible dreams. Her eyes slowly closed and her head leaned against the window. Her body fell limp in the chair, arms hanging down as though she were dead. Only the slow and steady rising of her chest said otherwise.
She sat at the bar drinking something called a Tahitian Delight. She wasn't sure what was in it but it tasted sweet, kind of fruity. She felt happy as she watched people walk by. Couples holding hands, a few that you could tell liked each other but acted as if they didn't. A family with children who the parents tried desperately to keep under control. A mother with a tiny little resemblance of herself wrapped up in a blanket and being pushed along in a stroller.
“You're tainted goods,” a man said behind her. He helped himself to the chair at the table with her and stared at her. “You're not a man or a woman. You tried to be and look where that got you. Tainted and unwanted. Really, if anyone did want you it would be as an experiment.”
Petro tried to speak but no words would come out of her mouth. She didn't recognize the man. He had no facial features, just a plain face that seemed to blur.
“You can't even talk can you?” The man said, “you're almost sentient but not quite. When people look at you they ask themselves 'what is that thing'?” He picked up a drink that he hadn't brought with him but rather appeared in front of him and took a sip. “Those people who are nice to you are doing so out of pity. Isn't Starfleet trained to pity the wretched? That's what they do.” He turned and looked her in the eyes. At least she thought he was looking her in the eyes. “We tried to make you whole once. Gave you the chance to experience what love was. The physical encounter of ecstasy but you couldn't handle it. You're too screwed up to understand any of it. You had to be put away.”
The lights around the promenade dimmed and Petro found herself alone in a dark grey room. There was a light above her, too high for her to reach and too dim for her to see anything beyond the small circle below it. She felt the walls, cold and damp, for a door or a hatch or something that she could use to escape. There was nothing.
Sounds came from the other side of the walls. Sounds of screaming as though someone were being attacked. Sounds of moaning as though they were in pain. High pitched squeals that begged someone else to continue. She didn't know what any of it meant. Why was she hearing them. Why couldn't they hear her.
She tried to scream but no sound came out. Her throat wasn't sore and she didn't feel any surgical marks. If they had taken her vocal cords they did a good job of not leaving a trace. She tried to scream, whimper, hum or even whistle but the only sound she could make was silence.
“No one can hear you.” The man's voice echoed in the room. She looked around but couldn't see him. Maybe he was hiding in the shadows. She listened for footsteps but heard nothing. “Can you hear a bug and know what it's talking about?”
Petro shook her head.
“You're nothing but a bug. Less than a bug. Less than a worm which at least is good for fishing and cultivating a garden. You. What are you good for? Tell me that and I'll set you free.”
Again Petro tried to speak and again she was unable. She slammed her fist against the wall in frustration then tried to reach the light. Anything she tried was in vain.
“Useless,” the man said, “and you can't say any different. Perhaps you're like every other worthless creature and prefer the darkness.”
The light in the room flickered and turned off. Petro slid down the wall and curled herself against it. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and traveling down her face.
Something tickled her nose and Petro sat upright in her chair. She wiped her face of the tears that had fallen from her eyes. She looked out again at the vastness of darkness beyond. “Why am I here?” It was more of a philosophical question than one of the literal sense.
She rose from her seat and began the walk back to her quarters. She didn't know how much time had passed nor did she have any interest. Maybe she could get some sleep before her shift began. Maybe this time she wouldn't dream.
by Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
| Title | Tainted | |
| Mission | Intermission | |
| Author(s) | Lieutenant JG Petro | |
| Posted | Tue Aug 06, 2013 @ 6:37pm | |
| Location | Unknown |
During the day she did her job, listening and routing communications. Most of the time the voices were distance and unattached. Even the ones she recognized were more like recordings than live conversation. No one ever wanted to speak with her directly, they just wanted security or docking managers or something of the like. The passage of time went by without notice and it wasn't until her relief arrived that she signed out and began walking. Sometimes she would go to her quarters for a while. Rakka was rarely there when she was because of their shifts. The Naasicaan was usually working or doing something security related. Lately though there seemed to be an increasing distance forming between them. An emotional chasm as it were.
Petro had fallen further into that chasm to the point where everything was on automatic. She knew her job and knew it well. Even when there were things that were out of the ordinary, she handled it with a mastery demonstrated by few. It was likely that no one had noticed her change in demeanor or physical features. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken her supplements and even she didn't notice the physical changes. She knew that the pelvic pains she had been having had subsided but didn't connect the two. She also noticed that her clothes were looser in certain areas but she didn't much care about that either. Her uniform still fit, as the material was designed for, but everything else seem wrong.
She changed into a t-shirt and a pair of slacks, found suitable walking shoes and left her quarters. She stared at her feet, her tiny feet as they moved one past the other. So small. So helpless were those feet. So insignificant like the legs that attached to them. Meaningless like the torso that remained unattractive. Plain like the face that looked at everything around it, knowing that it and the rest of the body would never belong. She had gone back to being the J'Naii that no one looked twice at. Her body had resumed its natural state and even her clothes had retreated to the plain grey to which she was accustomed. She had become a ghost once more.
Petro sat staring out the window into the darkness of space. Occasionally she would see a repair drone working on something or a shuttle passing her view. Most of the time it was just stars. Stars that, like her, seemed to be so distance and meaningless. She didn't feel sad or angry. It wasn't depression so much as it was a lack of feeling.
She was sure that Rakka had rejected her. Ever since that night when they talked about their relationship, Rakka was different. She supposed that she was too. The few times she did see Rakka, it was in passing and the expression in her eyes screamed for her to be left alone. It was clear that she had done something to upset her friend and now she was too afraid to ask. She might say or do something else and she shuttered to think about what might happen.
Down in this hole there was no one to talk to. There was no one that would bother her. There wasn't anyone who cared. Not that the last part wasn't true of the entire station but here there were no bodies to see the indifference in.
As it was with some nights, Petro started to nod off to sleep. The little sleep that she had were filled with terrible dreams. Her eyes slowly closed and her head leaned against the window. Her body fell limp in the chair, arms hanging down as though she were dead. Only the slow and steady rising of her chest said otherwise.
She sat at the bar drinking something called a Tahitian Delight. She wasn't sure what was in it but it tasted sweet, kind of fruity. She felt happy as she watched people walk by. Couples holding hands, a few that you could tell liked each other but acted as if they didn't. A family with children who the parents tried desperately to keep under control. A mother with a tiny little resemblance of herself wrapped up in a blanket and being pushed along in a stroller.
“You're tainted goods,” a man said behind her. He helped himself to the chair at the table with her and stared at her. “You're not a man or a woman. You tried to be and look where that got you. Tainted and unwanted. Really, if anyone did want you it would be as an experiment.”
Petro tried to speak but no words would come out of her mouth. She didn't recognize the man. He had no facial features, just a plain face that seemed to blur.
“You can't even talk can you?” The man said, “you're almost sentient but not quite. When people look at you they ask themselves 'what is that thing'?” He picked up a drink that he hadn't brought with him but rather appeared in front of him and took a sip. “Those people who are nice to you are doing so out of pity. Isn't Starfleet trained to pity the wretched? That's what they do.” He turned and looked her in the eyes. At least she thought he was looking her in the eyes. “We tried to make you whole once. Gave you the chance to experience what love was. The physical encounter of ecstasy but you couldn't handle it. You're too screwed up to understand any of it. You had to be put away.”
The lights around the promenade dimmed and Petro found herself alone in a dark grey room. There was a light above her, too high for her to reach and too dim for her to see anything beyond the small circle below it. She felt the walls, cold and damp, for a door or a hatch or something that she could use to escape. There was nothing.
Sounds came from the other side of the walls. Sounds of screaming as though someone were being attacked. Sounds of moaning as though they were in pain. High pitched squeals that begged someone else to continue. She didn't know what any of it meant. Why was she hearing them. Why couldn't they hear her.
She tried to scream but no sound came out. Her throat wasn't sore and she didn't feel any surgical marks. If they had taken her vocal cords they did a good job of not leaving a trace. She tried to scream, whimper, hum or even whistle but the only sound she could make was silence.
“No one can hear you.” The man's voice echoed in the room. She looked around but couldn't see him. Maybe he was hiding in the shadows. She listened for footsteps but heard nothing. “Can you hear a bug and know what it's talking about?”
Petro shook her head.
“You're nothing but a bug. Less than a bug. Less than a worm which at least is good for fishing and cultivating a garden. You. What are you good for? Tell me that and I'll set you free.”
Again Petro tried to speak and again she was unable. She slammed her fist against the wall in frustration then tried to reach the light. Anything she tried was in vain.
“Useless,” the man said, “and you can't say any different. Perhaps you're like every other worthless creature and prefer the darkness.”
The light in the room flickered and turned off. Petro slid down the wall and curled herself against it. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and traveling down her face.
Something tickled her nose and Petro sat upright in her chair. She wiped her face of the tears that had fallen from her eyes. She looked out again at the vastness of darkness beyond. “Why am I here?” It was more of a philosophical question than one of the literal sense.
She rose from her seat and began the walk back to her quarters. She didn't know how much time had passed nor did she have any interest. Maybe she could get some sleep before her shift began. Maybe this time she wouldn't dream.