Beg, Steal or Borrow – Nothing Sweet About Sorrow
by Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
Rakka was nearly ready to leave. The Pollux was cleared for departure, she had arranged to have someone 'adopt' her pet snake, and she had a moderately-sized duffel bag hanging over her shoulder that carried all of her worldly possessions. Her final task before departing would be her most important.
She chimed at Petro's quarters.
After an hour of studying and not much else, Petro decided that she could concentrate more if she were at her quarters. She instructed the Communications Officer that she could be reached there, should a need arise. She had just set her study materials down and ordered a cold beverage when she heard the chime. With glass in hand she opened the door to see Rakka standing there. The expression on her face, more accurately in her eyes, showed that there was something wrong. Something Petro was sure she would not want to hear.
"Rakka." Petro said, a little unnerved by her expression. "I would have thought you'd be in your office at this time."
Rakka blinked, already feeling a lump in her throat. She stepped inside silently. "I'm sorry," she began immediately. "I have bad news."
~Oh no~ Petro thought. She stepped aside from the door to let Rakka pass. "What's happened? Was it something with j'inchu?" she asked.
"No, it's... something else. I left behind a mess when I left my planet... and it's catching up with me now. But the less you know, the better... I hope you can trust me on that. I'm worried for me... and I'm worried for you. You could be in danger if I stayed, so... I can't stay."
Petro stared at her, unable to make sense of what she was saying. "I don't understand." she said, feeling a lump rise to her throat. "You're leaving? Why? Why would you leave me without knowing what's going on? Where are you going to go? When will I see you again?" A myriad of questions flooded her mind.
Rakka blinked rapidly, strongly affected by Petro's emotions. "I... I don't know. I... I'm going to catch up with Tahir... and spend some time on Earth... or wherever. Off duty. I imagine my position will be... filled... in the mean time. If I come back to Starfleet, I... I'm going to have to be somewhere else. This place is too... public, too... stationary. Not safe. I'll come visit... if ever I can... but... I don't know if I can."
Petro sat motionless, trying to piece it all together. Her friend was leaving. Her best friend. Her only friend. Her first friend. She was leaving and without an explanation. Something about a mess at her home planet. The old earth addage of 'it's not you it's me' came to her mind. She had seen humans use that line over and over again with each other when they were fed up with the person they were with. She had seen it used when they didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings and blamed their leaving on their own past. She couldn't help but think that Rakka was doing the same thing.
"I...I mean...but..." she choked on her own words as she looked at the Nausicaan in front of her. She wanted to be angry at her for leaving. She wanted her to explain better why she was leaving. When she could stand it no longer she blurt out the words that wouldn't form in her mind. "What did I do wrong?"
Rakka squeezed her jaw shut for a few moments, feeling that she might come to tears soon if she weren't careful. "You haven't ever... been anything... but perfect," she whispered. "It hurts me so much... to leave like this. But what hurts more... is... knowing the things that were done to me when I was young... thinking of them doing those things to you." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to clear her mind of these horrible images. "Petro... they know how to exploit weaknesses. If they found me here... they would know straight off just how much you mean to me... and they would hurt you to hurt me."
Petro didn't understand. None of it made sense to her. How could someone hurting her make Rakka hurt and why would they want to hurt Rakka? She reached out and touched Rakka's hand. She couldn't tell if she was shaking or if it was the hand of her friend that shook. "I don't understand." She said softly. "But I trust you." Then she realized what Rakka was saying. Watching her be tormented by someone was worse than being tormented directly. It was torment to create torment.
"But if they found you here, won't they know already? Won't they come after me to bring you back?" Petro asked. The question was part logic and part fear of letting Rakka go. She didn't know any more about what was going on than she did when Rakka first came over.
"All they know is where I'm stationed," said Rakka. "They don't know who my... loved ones... are. And they won't know, if I lead them away from here. Where I go, they will try to follow. I suppose I'll have to face them someday... but I'm going to do it by myself. I can't let you get in the middle of it."
Rakka reached into her pocket, intending to give something to Petro, but her hand brushed against an isolinear chip. She pulled it out and contemplated it for a moment. After a tense moment of indecision, she handed it to Petro.
"I didn't want anyone else to see this... especially not you," she said, her voice full of pain. "But I think... I think it will help you understand a little more. Please don't look at it until after I'm gone."
Petro looked at the chip, fearful of what it might contain, and nodded without a word.
"And there's something else... I wanted to give you this." Rakka pulled out a small velvet box. "I found this at a store on the Promenade one day, and... it made me think of you. I wanted you to have it. I thought... 'girls' night out' would have been a good time... but I guess we'll never get there. I hope you like it."
"Someday, maybe we can still have a girls night out." Petro said. She accepted the box and opened it tentitavely.
Inside the box was a small charm on a silver chain. The charm was made of a sparkling, polished glassy substance, clear except for the centre where there was an ethereal red swirl, something like the shape of a rose.
The J'Naii sniffled and wiped a tear from her eye. The lump that had been climbing up her throat had reached its apex and she found that she could no longer speak. She was losing her friend but she would have something to remember her by. She was saying good-bye and for the first time in her life she didn't want to. Just when her life felt like it was becoming meaningful, it was all going away.
She wrapped her arms around Rakka's neck, the fear and trepidition of physical contact no longer a thought or a consideration. She cried into the Nausicaan's dreadlocks and felt no shame for doing it.
Rakka gently enveloped her friend in her arms. This felt so right--why did she have to leave now? Two large tears slipped from her own eyes.
She couldn't tell how long they stayed that way, holding each other, but Petro knew that time was passing. Her friend would be leaving soon and she would have to say good-bye. It wasn't going to be easy without her and she would miss her more than words could express. Slowly, she pulled back from Rakka and looked at her. She could see the Nausicaan's tears and realized how much she didn't want to go.
"When do you leave?" Petro asked, wiping the tears from her face.
"Soon as I'm done here," Rakka replied, clearing her own face of the recent emotion. "I know you'll be all right. Don't ever doubt yourself, Petro--you're the prettiest, bravest, kindest person I know.... and I'm not just saying that because you're my friend. You are my friend because of these things... and more... and you always will be, even if we're apart."
"Will I see you again?" Petro asked.
"I... I don't know," Rakka said honestly. "I'm not sure I could ever resume a post here. But... if my travels in life ever take me anywhere near Deep Space Five... you can be sure I will visit if I can possibly manage it. And I'll try to send you messages if I should meet anyone coming your way who is willing to deliver a package on my behalf. I'm afraid I can't risk subspace communication. If you hear nothing for me for years to come... don't ever think I have forgotten you. One day you might receive a thousand letters at once from me, and know that I've been thinking of you every day of my life."
"I'll never forget you." Petro said, hugging her friend again. "Maybe, maybe I can come to where you are. Someday." she said, stepping back. She stood as tall as her petite frame would allow with her shoulders back and her head held high. "I'll be strong for you." She said. "And brave."
"You don't need to be strong for me," Rakka whispered, touching her cheek. "Be strong for yourself. You always have been. But if you don't feel strong... that's okay too. There's always chocolate... and of course, you'll have other friends. And the counselors here are nice, I think. And Captain Tahir is a good lady... hopefully she won't be away too long. I'm sure you can count on her if you need anything. If you have any concerns, security-wise... or anything else duty-related, really... I want you to talk to Lt. Cdr. Da'nal. While he did just recently arrive, already I trust him more than half the clowns in this circus. Lt. Devero is another person you can talk to... at least, he's helped me understand some things. You'll be fine... I know you will."
Petro nodded. She wasn't comfortable with the others as much as she was with Rakka but she knew what she was alluding to. "I'll remember that." she said. She fought to keep the tears at bay, knowing that this would be the last time she would see Rakka. "Everytime I eat chocolate, I'll remember the first time on the shuttle." She said, recalling thier first mission together and how they connected so well.
"Ah... yes. As will I, I'm sure." She stood up straight and slung her duffel bag over her shoulder. "Well... goodbye, Petro."
Petro watched as Rakka left her quarters and her life. She wanted to say something, anything to keep Rakka there, but she knew that her friend had to go. As the doors closed behind the Nausicaan, Petro slumped onto the couch and cried.
OFF:
Warrant Officer Petro
Quartermaster
DS5
Cdr Rakka
(Former) Chief of Security
DS5
by Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
| Title | Nothing Sweet About Sorrow | |
| Mission | Beg, Steal or Borrow | |
| Author(s) | Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro | |
| Posted | Tue Feb 17, 2009 @ 4:36pm | |
| Location | Petro's Quarters | |
| Timeline | SD 8 - 0930 hrs. |
She chimed at Petro's quarters.
After an hour of studying and not much else, Petro decided that she could concentrate more if she were at her quarters. She instructed the Communications Officer that she could be reached there, should a need arise. She had just set her study materials down and ordered a cold beverage when she heard the chime. With glass in hand she opened the door to see Rakka standing there. The expression on her face, more accurately in her eyes, showed that there was something wrong. Something Petro was sure she would not want to hear.
"Rakka." Petro said, a little unnerved by her expression. "I would have thought you'd be in your office at this time."
Rakka blinked, already feeling a lump in her throat. She stepped inside silently. "I'm sorry," she began immediately. "I have bad news."
~Oh no~ Petro thought. She stepped aside from the door to let Rakka pass. "What's happened? Was it something with j'inchu?" she asked.
"No, it's... something else. I left behind a mess when I left my planet... and it's catching up with me now. But the less you know, the better... I hope you can trust me on that. I'm worried for me... and I'm worried for you. You could be in danger if I stayed, so... I can't stay."
Petro stared at her, unable to make sense of what she was saying. "I don't understand." she said, feeling a lump rise to her throat. "You're leaving? Why? Why would you leave me without knowing what's going on? Where are you going to go? When will I see you again?" A myriad of questions flooded her mind.
Rakka blinked rapidly, strongly affected by Petro's emotions. "I... I don't know. I... I'm going to catch up with Tahir... and spend some time on Earth... or wherever. Off duty. I imagine my position will be... filled... in the mean time. If I come back to Starfleet, I... I'm going to have to be somewhere else. This place is too... public, too... stationary. Not safe. I'll come visit... if ever I can... but... I don't know if I can."
Petro sat motionless, trying to piece it all together. Her friend was leaving. Her best friend. Her only friend. Her first friend. She was leaving and without an explanation. Something about a mess at her home planet. The old earth addage of 'it's not you it's me' came to her mind. She had seen humans use that line over and over again with each other when they were fed up with the person they were with. She had seen it used when they didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings and blamed their leaving on their own past. She couldn't help but think that Rakka was doing the same thing.
"I...I mean...but..." she choked on her own words as she looked at the Nausicaan in front of her. She wanted to be angry at her for leaving. She wanted her to explain better why she was leaving. When she could stand it no longer she blurt out the words that wouldn't form in her mind. "What did I do wrong?"
Rakka squeezed her jaw shut for a few moments, feeling that she might come to tears soon if she weren't careful. "You haven't ever... been anything... but perfect," she whispered. "It hurts me so much... to leave like this. But what hurts more... is... knowing the things that were done to me when I was young... thinking of them doing those things to you." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to clear her mind of these horrible images. "Petro... they know how to exploit weaknesses. If they found me here... they would know straight off just how much you mean to me... and they would hurt you to hurt me."
Petro didn't understand. None of it made sense to her. How could someone hurting her make Rakka hurt and why would they want to hurt Rakka? She reached out and touched Rakka's hand. She couldn't tell if she was shaking or if it was the hand of her friend that shook. "I don't understand." She said softly. "But I trust you." Then she realized what Rakka was saying. Watching her be tormented by someone was worse than being tormented directly. It was torment to create torment.
"But if they found you here, won't they know already? Won't they come after me to bring you back?" Petro asked. The question was part logic and part fear of letting Rakka go. She didn't know any more about what was going on than she did when Rakka first came over.
"All they know is where I'm stationed," said Rakka. "They don't know who my... loved ones... are. And they won't know, if I lead them away from here. Where I go, they will try to follow. I suppose I'll have to face them someday... but I'm going to do it by myself. I can't let you get in the middle of it."
Rakka reached into her pocket, intending to give something to Petro, but her hand brushed against an isolinear chip. She pulled it out and contemplated it for a moment. After a tense moment of indecision, she handed it to Petro.
"I didn't want anyone else to see this... especially not you," she said, her voice full of pain. "But I think... I think it will help you understand a little more. Please don't look at it until after I'm gone."
Petro looked at the chip, fearful of what it might contain, and nodded without a word.
"And there's something else... I wanted to give you this." Rakka pulled out a small velvet box. "I found this at a store on the Promenade one day, and... it made me think of you. I wanted you to have it. I thought... 'girls' night out' would have been a good time... but I guess we'll never get there. I hope you like it."
"Someday, maybe we can still have a girls night out." Petro said. She accepted the box and opened it tentitavely.
Inside the box was a small charm on a silver chain. The charm was made of a sparkling, polished glassy substance, clear except for the centre where there was an ethereal red swirl, something like the shape of a rose.
The J'Naii sniffled and wiped a tear from her eye. The lump that had been climbing up her throat had reached its apex and she found that she could no longer speak. She was losing her friend but she would have something to remember her by. She was saying good-bye and for the first time in her life she didn't want to. Just when her life felt like it was becoming meaningful, it was all going away.
She wrapped her arms around Rakka's neck, the fear and trepidition of physical contact no longer a thought or a consideration. She cried into the Nausicaan's dreadlocks and felt no shame for doing it.
Rakka gently enveloped her friend in her arms. This felt so right--why did she have to leave now? Two large tears slipped from her own eyes.
She couldn't tell how long they stayed that way, holding each other, but Petro knew that time was passing. Her friend would be leaving soon and she would have to say good-bye. It wasn't going to be easy without her and she would miss her more than words could express. Slowly, she pulled back from Rakka and looked at her. She could see the Nausicaan's tears and realized how much she didn't want to go.
"When do you leave?" Petro asked, wiping the tears from her face.
"Soon as I'm done here," Rakka replied, clearing her own face of the recent emotion. "I know you'll be all right. Don't ever doubt yourself, Petro--you're the prettiest, bravest, kindest person I know.... and I'm not just saying that because you're my friend. You are my friend because of these things... and more... and you always will be, even if we're apart."
"Will I see you again?" Petro asked.
"I... I don't know," Rakka said honestly. "I'm not sure I could ever resume a post here. But... if my travels in life ever take me anywhere near Deep Space Five... you can be sure I will visit if I can possibly manage it. And I'll try to send you messages if I should meet anyone coming your way who is willing to deliver a package on my behalf. I'm afraid I can't risk subspace communication. If you hear nothing for me for years to come... don't ever think I have forgotten you. One day you might receive a thousand letters at once from me, and know that I've been thinking of you every day of my life."
"I'll never forget you." Petro said, hugging her friend again. "Maybe, maybe I can come to where you are. Someday." she said, stepping back. She stood as tall as her petite frame would allow with her shoulders back and her head held high. "I'll be strong for you." She said. "And brave."
"You don't need to be strong for me," Rakka whispered, touching her cheek. "Be strong for yourself. You always have been. But if you don't feel strong... that's okay too. There's always chocolate... and of course, you'll have other friends. And the counselors here are nice, I think. And Captain Tahir is a good lady... hopefully she won't be away too long. I'm sure you can count on her if you need anything. If you have any concerns, security-wise... or anything else duty-related, really... I want you to talk to Lt. Cdr. Da'nal. While he did just recently arrive, already I trust him more than half the clowns in this circus. Lt. Devero is another person you can talk to... at least, he's helped me understand some things. You'll be fine... I know you will."
Petro nodded. She wasn't comfortable with the others as much as she was with Rakka but she knew what she was alluding to. "I'll remember that." she said. She fought to keep the tears at bay, knowing that this would be the last time she would see Rakka. "Everytime I eat chocolate, I'll remember the first time on the shuttle." She said, recalling thier first mission together and how they connected so well.
"Ah... yes. As will I, I'm sure." She stood up straight and slung her duffel bag over her shoulder. "Well... goodbye, Petro."
Petro watched as Rakka left her quarters and her life. She wanted to say something, anything to keep Rakka there, but she knew that her friend had to go. As the doors closed behind the Nausicaan, Petro slumped onto the couch and cried.
OFF:
Warrant Officer Petro
Quartermaster
DS5
Cdr Rakka
(Former) Chief of Security
DS5