Judgement – Family Matters
by (G) Arrain - Lieutenant Arrienye t'Merek & Lieutenant Bridget Stapleton
Post Details
OOC: This is a bit long, but there was really no place to cut it since most of it is dialogue. - M
::ON::
Doc Hazlett, as he liked to refer to himself, was a barrel-chested, spectacle-wearing, opinionated 'old school' doctor from Earth's American east coast. He was semi-retired, and worked in one of the civilian health clinics two days a week.
He also liked to swim at the same gym where Bridget worked out.
The two had started talking in the lap pool, and recognized similar interests in their hobbies. Hazlett wanted to continue the conversation, so he invited her to lunch at the Officer's Club. Bridget had accepted, laughing; the only way he would be allowed into the Club was as the guest of a Starfleet officer, and the bold move touched Bridget's weak spot: her sense of humor.
They entered the Club and were directed to the bar. All the tables were full, and there would be a waiting period of about fifteen minutes. Hazlett ordered a drink, but Bridget chose tea; she wasn't fond of drinking alcohol during the daytime. Too much of a chance of getting slightly intoxicated and having that affect her judgement on the job.
She swiveled in her seat, the middle of her back resting on the bar. She and Hazlett were talking about trout fishing in the American Pacific Northwest - Washington and Oregon, as her eyes took in the atmosphere of the restaurant. She hadn't been to the Club as yet, and was appreciating the nautical-themed decor.
Both eyebrows shot up as she recognized Ai'lani, who was seated at a table with a pretty officer dressed in Security colors. They appeared to be having a good time; from Bridget's perch she noticed the young woman's flirtatious body language, and the observation made her shake her head. And then the realization hit her: Kaelin was nowhere to be seen.
Hazlett asked what she was looking at, and what had made her smile in such a strange fashion. Bridget had to give him points for paying attention; she hadn't expected him to be so sharp at his age. She told him that a friend had lied to her, and she found it curiously ironic, since he professed to always tell the truth.
Ai'lani must have sensed that someone was watching him, because Bridget saw his head suddenly come up and look around the Club, until his eyes rested on her.
As they did, Ai'lani's face brightened in a smile and he gave her a small, but heartfelt wave. The Security officer looked over to Bridget and frowned slightly at seeing the woman taking the Deltan's attention away. After a moment he told her something Bridget couldn't hear, before standing up and going over to the bar. "Well, hello there, fancy meeting you here. Afternoon, Dr. Hazlett, how are you doing? Wife and kids alright, I hope?" he asked with a smile directed at the older man.
"Fine and dandy, son, fine and dandy. Thanks for askin'." He made a sideways jog of his head, a nod at Bridget. "Seems like you know my lovely companion, if I'm not mistaken, so I don't need to make introductions." He looked at her with one eyebrow raised as he said the last part; the implication of her knowing the Deltan was clearly written on his face.
"Yes, Bridget and I have met," Ai'lani told the man. "You doing alright, Bridget?" he asked, turning his attention to the woman.
"Aside from getting too little sleep last night," she smiled and then said, "I was just a bit confused. I thought Kaelin was meeting you for lunch today." She turned to Hazlett, including him in the conversation. "You should know him, he's the station's head pathologist."
"Isn't he that pretty boy that filled in at pediatrics this morning? Yes, I've met him." Hazlett frowned. "Quiet sort, I think. Has a lot on his mind. Altogether too serious."
Ai'lani laughed. "Yeah, that's him," he nodded. "And no, we aren't meeting for lunch today. Did he say we were?" he asked Bridget curiously, though inside he felt concerned.
"Yeah he did," Bridget's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "He said he was really looking forward to it, in fact."
Hazlett made a knowing humming noise and stuck a toothpick between his teeth, but didn't comment further.
"Well, it's lunch," Ai'lani said with a shrug. "Kaelin always lies about things like that," he told her.
"Wait, what?" Bridget's tone was incredulous. "I thought one of the benchmarks about being Deltan was truthfulness."
"Well would you look at the time," Hazlett said, pushing his ample girth off his bar stool. "My dear, it's been a pleasure," he said, taking Bridget's hand and lifting it to his lips.
She sputtered an objection to his sudden decision to depart. "What about lunch? I'm sorry, Seth, I wasn't trying to be neglectful."
"Have no fear, I'm not offended in the least. It seems you two need some time to plot about helping your friend, and I'd just be in the way. Besides," he said with a grin at Ai'lani, "there's a security officer over there who appears to have lost a lunch partner, and might welcome some company."
"Oh...right...I'm really sorry," he told the older man, giving the girl an apologetic look too, before settling into the chair opposite Bridget. "I'm really sorry about this. So, about Kaelin. Well, truthfulness is a benchmark of being Deltan. We're incredibly honest with one another. Other races don't exactly fall into that. But, Kaelin is honest. But lying about meals is kind of a common thing with him, in my experiences" he explained, his voice becoming a bit more quiet now. Kaelin had a track record of cancelling on meals with Ai'lani.
'You gotta admit that's kinda contradictory," Bridget said, her tone matching his.
"Well, not really. I thought you'd noticed, but I guess not. So I'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone else, including Kaelin."
"Secrets? Hmmm..." she let that rest, sensing that Ai'lani was confiding in her for a reason.
" I think Kaelin is borderline anorexic," Ai'lani revealed, sipping a glass of tonic the waitress brought to him, noticing him at a different table.
That was the last thing she'd expected him to say, and the surprise showed on her face. "Anorexic? Why on earth would he do that? It isn't as if he's vain and worried about his appearance. Besides, Anorexia has some classic symptoms, that if you know what to look for, are telltale." She waved her hand to emphasize her words and nearly knocked over her tea. Mopping up the slosh with her napkin, she went on, "Are you sure it's Anorexia?"
"I didn't say he's full out anorexic, but he's close. Think about it, have you ever actually seen Kaelin eat anything? Think back to dinner last night," Ai'lani pointed out to Bridget, and as she did think it over, she realized that, even though Kaelin had ordered something sickeningly healthy, he hadn't eaten more than a bite. And she'd simply thought he was engaged in their argument before being called away. Even during their other lunches, he never finished what he was eating on the rare occasions he actually ordered something. Even his morning coffee was made to be strictly healthy.
"But..." she started to say, not wanting to believe it. Ai'lani went on, driving home his point.
"And, if you spent enough time with Kaelin, you'd realize just how obsessed he is with his looks. Did you know he exercises three times a day? He wakes up at 0500 every day and jogs through half the base. He does the same thing every night, and he also has a three hour long workout in the gymnasium after work." Ai'lani spoke calmly. He'd noticed Kaelin's odd eating habits completely by accident, at first finding his rather odd talent at telling just how many calories things had to be kind of amusing.
"I guess I thought I knew him enough that I would recognize the signs." She sat in thought for a moment. "He needs to get seen for this. By the counseling staff."
"Oh, no, you said you wouldn't say anything," Ai'lani told her. "He hasn't gotten any symptoms of a health problem. His weight is normal and he isn't starving himself, so if you jump head first into this, it'll just piss him off and we don't want that," he told her seriously. "The best we can do is make sure he actually eats, which is rough because he's a crafty bastard. And don't let him know you know."
"You don't quite understand, Ai'lani. Anorexia -- even borderline cases -- are a psychological problem with physical manifestations, not the other way around. It's deeper than just a matter of whether he eats or not because he could just as easily eat to please us, then leave the table on the pretext of using the bathroom, and go vomit it all back up. There are issues here that need to be dealt with, because simply getting enough calories to keep the body alive is like putting a band-aid on a severed limb and pretending everything is okay."
Ai'lani rolled his eyes. "Yes, Bridget, I know. I also know that Kaelin, for one, doesn't throw up. What you need to know is that neither you or I know enough about his eating habits to ship him off to the psychiatrist's office. If you do decide to do anything, talk to him first, if you must," Ai'lani allowed. Although he'd noticed Kaelin had problems, he really didn't see a reason to organize an intervention. He'd obviously passed his physical and psychological evaluation right when he transferred, he was at an ideal weight and didn't show any of the more problematic signs of being sick.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, young man," Bridget wagged a finger at Ai'lani, scolding him lightly with a small smile. "I've dealt with this particular illness in my practice back home. Like you said - I didn't notice the signs. But you did. Now you think he's okay because his weight is good and he looks healthy. But do you really know what's going on in here?" She tapped the side of her head with a finger. "Now how do you know he never vomits? Are you with him every day, or at every meal? How much could he be hiding, even from you, his closest friend?"
"Okay, first of, I'm not Kaelin's closest friend. We've known each other a month. I'm his closest friend on this base, though," Ai'lani allowed. "But I suppose you're right, I don't know that he never vomits, I'm just saying that, if you or both of us decide to act, we should speak to him first. He deserves more than a sudden ambush," he explained. "Maybe we should just watch him for a while," he suggested.
"I'm not saying to ambush him. Talking with him would be good. In fact, it would be good if we did that together. To encourage him to go to a counselor, and if he doesn't go, for us to bring the counselor to him."
"He's not going to like it," Ai'lani said with a sigh.
"I wouldn't expect him to. But let me ask you a question. Which is the better friend: the one who is afraid to confront, or the one confronts because he loves?"
"The second one, I guess," Ai'lani hesitantly agreed. "But how are we going to talk to him? I mean, how do we approach the subject?" He'd never actually dealt with anyone going through an eating disorder before.
"Just say that we've noticed that he hasn't been eating. Bring up the part about working out 3 times a day. Tell him that it isn't actually healthy and that he needs to see a psychologist. He may get mad, throw a temper tantrum, change the subject or act persecuted. Or all of the above. If he does, then we know he's in denial and we will have to force the issue."
Ai'lani sighed, for a moment regretting he'd brought it up. But, he knew that thought probably made him a horrible person. "So, when do we talk to him?"
"Soon. I don't think he's in any immediate danger, so we can approach him sometime in the next few days, or week, but we shouldn't put if off for too long. I'd.... I'd like to talk to Chelsea and one of the counselors, quietly, if that's okay with you. It would lay the groundwork for Kaelin's support system."
Ai'lani nodded. "I guess that's alright. I mean, you have more experience at this than I do. Go ahead," he agreed.
"I'll let you know what they say, if you'd like."
"Sure, I'd like that, thanks," Ai'lani said with a smile. "I hope he's okay," he added after a few moments.
Bridget had a mouthful of tea and swallowed hastily. "Well, he's probably gonna be pissed that we bring this up. I'm sure he really would rather that nobody noticed, so he's gonna be a lot less okay once this comes to light. That's the danger point, because unless I miss my guess, Kaelin is going to feel pressured and rejected by us. More than likely he'll abuse himself as well as his friends, at first. But that's just the mental illness working itself out. We stick with him no matter what he says or does, but we don't let him get away with acting like a child with tantrums, whining or excuses. After he gets over that hump and realizes he can reach his goal in a better way, he'll fall in line with the treatment program. Ultimately, it sounds like he just wants to be healthy in mind and body. He just doesn't realize that shortcuts like he's taking really don't work."
"I just don't get it. He looks amazing," Ai'lani shook his head, unable to believe someone who was always so intelligent and mature like Kaelin would do this to himself. "I mean, yes, looks are important, but he has them."
"I once treated a teenage girl," Bridget began with a sad smile, "who, at fifteen years old, was already absolutely gorgeous and mature beyond her years. She had a sweet innocence about her that was very appealing, too. She did well in school, was very athletic, outgoing, and friendly. She came from an upper middle class family, a stable home that had a lot of love. If you didn't know better, you'd think she had a perfect life. But the ten years between fifteen and twenty-five were the hardest years she'd ever gone through, because in her pre-teen years she had convinced herself that she wasn't pretty enough. She'd begun dieting, using every fad she could find. Ultimately they failed her, one after another, and so she just stopped eating. When her parents finally brought her to me, she was sixteen. She was well below her normal weight, and you could see her ribs clearly. When we talked, she told me she was overweight, and that she still needed to lose more. When I found out that she only consumed about 800 calories a day, I was alarmed - she was literally slowly starving herself to death. I don't know how many calories Kaelin is consuming, but I don't think he's nearly that bad off. And yet the situations are similar, because to all outside appearances, they both had everything going for them - looks, talent and intelligence. The root issue was their self-image; somehow they believed that they would not be liked or loved, that they didn't have value, unless they looked and acted a certain way."
Ai'lani listened quietly, his head resting in his hand. "I just can't believe he would do something like this. And he's never really made any comments saying he looks bad, like saying he was fat or something. In fact, he's said he looks amazing occasionally. We joke about it, you know, like 'He's the good looking one,'" Ai'lani explained, obviously upset over this new development. "He has always been kind of introverted and thoughtful, but I just figured that's what he's like," he added.
"Yeah, I've heard you two banter like that," Bridget's smile warmed. She hesitated a moment, then said, "He really does love you, you know."
"I doubt that," Ai'lani said, leaning back in his chair. "We talked about it, actually. He's not sure what he feels for me. I think it's the pheromones," he explained.
"No, I don't think so, Ai'lani. I think it goes deeper than that. Is it possible you don't want to believe that he's in love with you?"
"He's not in love with me. He's infatuated and because all he gets is a feed of my pheromones without responding with his own, his feelings are all screwed up," Ai'lani protested, a little annoyed.
"Wait, what?" She blushed now, thinking they were walking into territory where she just...just didn't want to know. But he'd said something that she had to follow up on. "What do you mean he doesn't respond with his own, and so his feelings are all screwed up?"
"Well, think of it like this. You know what the effect of Deltan pheromones feels like, right? Well, Deltan pheromones aren't designed for aliens, so you don't feel their full effect, only a small part of them. They affect Deltans more strongly than aliens," Ai'lani explained.
"Right, go on," she said.
"Deltans communicate through words, touch, empathy, subconscious telepathy and chemicals, namely pheromones. Now that causes some serious emotional reactions through communication and things can only be communicated between Deltans clearly if all of these methods are used at once. Kaelin doesn't have one aspect of his communication at hand so there's no full two way communication going on between us so we don't know each other that well. I know it sounds odd but it's complicated," Ai'lani tried to explain further. "Think of it like this. You see a guy who you hear is wonderful and lovely and is good looking and nice to you. But haven't really met him. So you develop an infatuation with that person without really knowing whether or not your two personalities are compatible or not. That's how Kaelin sees me. Does that make any sense at all? Because it's hard to explain Deltan communication to aliens."
Bridget sat back and nodded. "Sure, that analogy works for me. And I get what you mean now. It's about the pheromone suppressant that he takes; we have had this sort of conversation before, but I hadn't come at it from this angle. So you're saying it's impossible for Kaelin to really know whether he loves you or not, because his pheromones are inhibited and therefore his true participation in the Deltan love relationship is impaired.."
She paused a moment, sipping her tea, which was now stone cold. "I saw Kaelin as being in love based on the things he said and the actions he did. But I was naturally applying a Human interpretation. In Human experience, people who have impaired psyches - those with emotional illnesses, or those who have physical damage or dysfunctions of their brains - are still counted as able to be truly in love, with a few extreme exceptions. The degree to which they are able to do this varies, of course. But our species counts it as love, even though it may be of a lesser degree than those without the limitations. We count being in love not only as an emotional feeling, but also as a series of long-term commitments, conscious decisions and actions that are sometimes at odds with the person's emotions. For us, to love is to act in loving ways, even when we might not feel like it at the moment."
"Well, Deltans are extremely emotional. And humans only have one way of clear communication. You speak to express yourselves clearly. But you also use body language and touch sometimes but that isn't as clear," Ai'lani explained. "But love, in itself, is a feeling, that's all it is. I actually heard a lot of people think Deltans can't really fall in love. Not in that special romantic way," he chuckled as he said this. "Because when you ask a Deltan if they're in love, we're always in love." Ai'lani laughed.
"I'll disagree with you that love is nothing more than a feeling. If it was, then people would fall in and out of love willy-nilly, and there would be no such thing as long-term monogamous relationships," Bridget countered.
"Also, as you've said this too, I think, humans always feel the need to stress they're in a monogamous relationship when you're talking to us. Deltans have monogamous relationships too. In our own way. I mean, I know a lot of Deltans who are bonded with one other person. Most, actually."
Bridget thought about that for a moment, wanting to be honest about her race. "I think we do that because we fear loss. We want to protect and preserve current relationships and we feel threatened whenever our significant other has an attraction to someone else. The attraction is normal, but acting on it threatens the stability of the first relationship."
"Only if you can't differentiate between attraction and different types of love," Ai'lani pointed out. "That's what I mean when I say love is a feeling because if you didn't feel love, you wouldn't feel compelled to commit yourself to another person that way. Deltans bond with one person in a very thorough way, similar, but not exactly, like Vulcans do. But, we still initiate sexual relationships with people we're attracted to and are friends with. We consider intimacy as something special that we like to experience with the people we love. Whether we love them as friends or romantically is just emotional and only affects the emotional part of the spiritual link."
Bridget shook her head. "Yeah, I think that's where I draw the line. Jealousy is also a feeling, and maybe Deltans just don't experience it." She recalled her discussion with Yolanthe Ilbain, and felt again the mixed emotions which came out of that.
"We can get jealous, but it's a hurtful emotion, so we try to sort it out quickly. We do get jealous if a person we love is having romantic feelings for someone else. But like I said, it's destructive, so we try to sort our feelings out quickly and efficiently."
She leaned forward. "What if it can't be sorted out quickly and efficiently? What if the person you love has decided they no longer love you? You would feel the destructive emotions, but the other person would not, because they've already started attaching their emotions to the new person. So would those painful emotions you experience dissipate if the other person told you they no longer loved you? Are you able to override your emotions with your intellect to the point that there's no pain upon the relationship being torn apart?"
"See, that's the thing. We feel each other's emotions all the time. If one Deltan is in emotional pain, everyone close to them is too. And we don't just decide we're not in love with someone anymore. We bond for life," Ai'lani explained.
"I suppose that makes sense," she said, thinking of her own internal battles, where one emotion is in direct opposition to another emotion. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to come to think the way you do. Humans aren't psychologically or emotionally wired that way. I'm sure its why Deltans don't have relationships with Humans, and why Humans have instituted the regulations for Deltans."
"Well, at the risk of starting another argument, I think that, considering our unwillingness to enter into relationship with aliens, the regulations seem kind of useless," Ai'lani responded. "So, this whole line of conversation," he trailed off, knowing that her question couldn't have just come from nowhere. "Is there something going on? I mean, if I'm overstepping or something, just tell me, but, is everything okay?"
A mental image of Yolanthe, lying on a bio bed with her body the color of lilacs, flashed into Bridget's head. It intensified the swarm of emotions she was already feeling. "No. Well... yes..." she started. "Okay, I saw Yolanthe Ilbain today. She was in Medical for some testing, to see if a map could be made of her pigment changes. You know, for her court case?"
"Yeah, I know. I am a journalist, after all," he said with a small smile.
"So we had a talk and I think she might be innocent. Of the murder, I mean. But I also think she might intend to sleep with Edward." A deep frown pulled her lips in a tight line and she avoided Ai'lani's eyes. After a second, she went on. "I obviously don't want that to happen, but I am having a hard time hating her for it. It's just all very mixed up."
"Do you think Edward would have sex with her?" Ai'lani asked, looking at her curiously. He obviously wasn't a man for euphemisms. For now he didn't comment on Yolanthe's innocence. Both he and Kaelin believed she was innocent, but he didn't comment, deciding to focus on Bridget's emotions instead.
She sighed heavily. "No. I don't think so. But lately we've been distant, and I have to ask myself if it's not all my fault. I look back on some of our conversations and I wonder if I'm not driving him away." Her vulnerability was raw, and it gave a ragged edge to her voice.
"With what? I mean, you two have been together a long time. And just because you've both been a little distant doesn't mean he'll go off to be with someone else," Ai'lani told her.
She gave him a long look. "You obviously aren't as well acquainted with humans as you think you are." She immediately regretted letting that come out of her mouth; it was snippy and sarcastic, and she didn't mean to lash out at her friend. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean that."
"It's okay," Ai'lani said, but still looked a little hurt despite his assurance. "I think you should talk to Edward about all of this. I mean, if you don't trust him, you two should talk. And if you do trust him, you should still talk. Because, if you are concerned about him having sex with someone else, he's the only person who can decide that. So he's the only person who you can go to confirm or deny your suspicions. Letting them just brew inside you will just make you feel worse."
"I'm a foolish, jealous woman. That's the point, I guess." She finally met Ai'lani's eyes. "We have talked about it, my friend. And he's given me every reassurance that there's nothing whatsoever between he and Yolanthe Ilbain. He tells me that he wears that ridiculous costume because it was the more modest of the ones available to him. And he says he works there because he's loyal, his boss is currently in a jam and he wants to help her out. So I have no legitimate reason to suspect him of anything. And yet I do. So the problem, logically, is all in here." She tapped the side of her head with a fingernail.
"Yes, I guess you're right. Maybe you're feeling guilty over something and believe he should go off with someone else?" he asked tentatively. "Is there anything you're guilty about? Maybe you aren't spending time with him enough?"
"Maybe," she shrugged noncommittally. It wasn't guilt she was feeling, or so she thought. "We just see each other in passing and most of that is spent asleep. I work days, he works nights. We'll get that sorted out eventually, but in the mean time it's hell on the relationship."
"Can't you both meet for lunch every day?" Ai'lani asked. "I mean, if he's free now, then why are you having lunch with me?"
"Rules," she shrugged. "He's got a lot of rules to follow, and one of them is not letting his players see him consistently with someone. He's not allowed to wear his wedding ring. Things like that. He can't let on that he's taken."
"And he can't take an hour off to come here?"
"No, remember dinner yesterday? They get about half an hour and it's not a scheduled thing, it has to do with the flow of customer traffic at their tables. It's not like they get a set time each day for their lunch break. He had to ask special permission to eat with us at a certain time."
The Deltan rolled his eyes. "I can't imagine him getting paid enough to put up with that," Ai'lani admitted. "If I was in his place, I'd quit by now. I mean, it's not like he's known the people at the bar for years to actually have any loyalty to them. Especially if he can plainly see that it's taking it's toll on your marriage."
She nodded vigorously. "I agree with you there! And I tried explaining that to him. But he wouldn't budge."
"Well then, he's an idiot. I know he's your husband and I don't really know him, but any man who puts a job or loyalty to a boss and people he barely knows above loyalty and dedication to his wife and marriage is an idiot. I don't have to meet him to tell that."
She gave a bittersweet smile and shrugged. "On the one hand I agree with you. He's a workaholic, has been as long as I've known him. That was a major factor in my urging him to not get a job when we came to the station. I was hoping it would be a clean break, and he wouldn't be working seventy hours a week any more. But he insisted he'd go stark raving mad without something meaningful to do. We were at an impasse, all the way here from Earth. I suggested hobbies, but he wouldn't have any of it."
She smiled ruefully, thinking about the subject of Kaelin from earlier. "He and Kaelin have some similar stubbornness to them, don't they."
"I never really got the stubborn vibe from Kaelin. He's more of a perfectionist. But, then again, I don't know him as well as I'd like."
Isn't perfectionism characterized by a stubborn determination to do things a certain way? Bridget thought to herself, but decided not to point that out. "I think that's true for everyone who knows Kaelin," she said instead.
"Yes, I suppose so. I guess if he didn't take those inhibitors I'd know him a lot better, but we get what we get I suppose."
"Yeah we do get what we get, and we try to make the best of it." With a smile she said, "At least we can vent to each other about it."
"Yeah," Ai'lani said with a laugh. "That's something at least. And believe me, I'll have a lot more to vent about when Dominic comes back from his little treasure hunt."
Bridget's smile widened. "He's in good hands, Ai'lani. I doubt you'll have anything to be concerned about." She had a gut feeling about Gregori Monteros, something about him she just really liked. Maybe it was that roguish charm, or the settled self-confidence. Either way, she couldn't see him allowing Dominic to come to any harm.
"No, it's not that I'm concerned. I trust Gregori. His daughter and I are friends. It's just that when Dommy comes back to DS5. He's kind of a handful. The only reason he's behaved himself so far on DS5 is because he was sick and that slowed him down," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head slightly at the thought of how lively Dominic could get.
"Now that he's better, he'll be getting into mischief," Bridget predicted, her expression conspiratorial.
"Oh yeah," Ai'lani nodded with a knowing look. "It's like he's on something half the time. Like someone hooked him into an electrical current. I have to say, and I've said it before, you humans do not go through puberty as gracefully as I'd imagined."
She laughed through her nose and nodded. "If we could come up with a way to sail through puberty, we'd bottle it, sell it and be as rich as the Grand Nagus."
"Yeah, I suppose so," Ai'lani smiled. "I think he's just got the extra difficulty of not really having anyone close to turn to for advice. I mean, I can't really help him much. We're not the same species, so it doesn't work the same."
"Yeah, I can understand that. And he probably needs to be mothered a little bit, even though he'd fiercely deny it if you asked him. I hope you have women in his life to inject a little 'mom disease'." She grinned.
"They're Deltan, so that doesn't really help his guidance through puberty," Ai'lani explained. "My sister has been a mother figure for him, so he isn't lacking in that. I've just never really gotten close to any humans. Well, Dominic's mother not included," he said with a shrug. "Don't really know any I'd trust to guide Dom into adulthood."
"Sure," she nodded. "Anybody would be protective of who influences their kids. Am I wrong in thinking you're talking specifically about helping him in dealing with his hormonal changes, and interest in girls, and things like that?"
"No, that's kind of the biggest issue. The 'Talk' wasn't necessary, considering he grew up surrounded by Deltans, but his attitude towards sex is something I really have no idea how to teach. Well, correct, actually."
"What would you need to correct?"
"Well, I kind of did some damage by giving him a very Deltan view on sex and relationships, which I couldn't really help, since, like I said, he grew up surrounded by Deltans. But only recently he's realized that things don't really work in other parts of the quadrant the way that do on Delta IV. I guess it's more damage control than guiding at this point."
"Ahh, I see," she sat back, sipping her water and letting the information sink in. "That's a bit of a sticky wicket, really. Has he been asking questions? Or have his comments been confrontational?"
"Dominic is anything but confrontational. He's more emotional in the sense that he's very open and very...well, emotional. He wears his heart on his sleeve. So he's been asking questions that I can't really answer, like how could he know if someone likes him as more than a friend, when can he finally have sex, but I think he's taken a step back concerning the last one since his friend from his last school punched him in the face when he asked if they could do it together," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head at the memory of Dominic coming home with a big red welt on his face.
"Ohhhh," Bridget winced. "Yeah I can see how that really threw him for a loop. I hope he was able to explain things to his friend and they were able to continue their friendship."
"Oh no, after that first punch, they grew apart. Plus, I travel a lot for work, so we didn't stay there very long anyway," Ai'lani explained. "He's been much more careful about those kinds of things since then. He's still eager to live and experience things, of course. I think he's kind of in a slight panic over the idea that humans don't live as long as Deltans, so he has the feeling that he might miss something."
"In fact, I'd say it starts at birth," she said with a grin, recalling the multiple times she'd seen one of her own babies fall fast asleep in the middle of a meal because they had resisted their nap time vigorously, not wanting to miss any of the life going on around them. "So does he have friends here on DS5?"
Ai'lani shook his head. "No, he's been sick and after that cleared he really hasn't shown an interest in going out and meeting people. School is out and he's always been a bit shy about approaching people his age casually."
"Well, from everything you've said, he sounds like a normal teenager," Bridget tried to reassure her friend.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Ai'lani asked with a smirk. "I just want to see him fit in, get some friends, but he always has a tendency to stick out. I mean, I love him to death and I love that he's unique and his own person, but he can be incredibly difficult. He doesn't like to adapt, you see. And while that is commendable, a little flexibility when dealing with people would probably make his life easier."
Bridget laughed. "Honey, welcome to my world." She leaned forward and put her forearms on the table. "Really, you worry too much. It's not like you're a bad parent or he's a bad kid. It's good to monitor him and look for signs that things are skewing off in the wrong direction, because that's sometimes a reality that parents and kids have to address. But it sounds like you're doing everything you possibly can to be a great father to him. But even if you were the perfect parent and he had a perfect environment, there are going to be internal imperfections that will work their way out. Being inflexible is a hallmark of boys his age. Not fitting in, that too. You just gotta be patient and keep doing the things you are doing. Keep trying new things with him. Keep introducing him to new people and new experiences. It will all work out in the end."
She started laughing again and amended, "And in the mean time, it's hell."
Ai'lani laughed with her, shaking his head. "Thanks for the advice," he said sincerely once the laughing died down. "I hope we can resolve the situation with Kaelin this easily," he added.
"Yeah that's not going to be so fun, and there will be times you'll feel like you're trying to parent two children, I think."
"Well, as far as Kaelin's anger or frustration with us goes, he'll hold a grudge against you a lot longer than me," Ai'lani explained to her, knowing that two Deltans rarely had problems that lasted very long in their relationship. It as just too painful to cling to.
She shrugged. "Can't be helped."
"You don't care about him being angry at you?" Ai'lani asked.
'Of course I care," she began. "That's the whole point. If I didn't really care about Kaelin, why would I be willing to go through all this... bruhahah" she waved a hand in the air for emphasis, "and risk his ire?"
Ai'lani sighed, slouching back against his seat. "I know. I just don't like having people angry at me."
"Me either," she said. "I've always felt insecure when I have to face conflict."
"At least you don't have to literally feel the other person's anger," Ai'lani supplied.
"No, I don't," she admitted. "But some people are pretty good at getting as much of it aimed at you as possible, and they don't mince words doing it." She recalled a particularly upsetting discussion years before, with a patient's husband. He had been rather brutal and verbally abusive in his dictatorial insistence that his wife receive a risky treatment. Outwardly, she shivered slightly at the memory. "I don't think I need to literally feel their anger to have a pretty good idea of how it feels to be on the receiving end."
"I'm not good at arguing or pushing something on anyone," the Deltan admitted. "Kaelin is better at conflict than I am."
"You could have fooled me," she said, softening the words with a smile and wink.
Ai'lani smiled. "I'm good at pointing out and sticking to my opinions. I don't insult people on purpose or push things too far."
"But you let your opinions be known, even if you are well aware the other person is going to disagree with you."
"Of course I do. What do you want me to do? Smile nicely and say 'yes' when I really mean 'no'?"
She shifted in her seat. "Sometimes the diplomatic approach is the better option."
"Yes, in diplomatic situations. I find it much easier when I'm 100% honest with people about my views from the start. Besides, 'diplomatic', to me, is just another word for lying to make your life easier and people more comfortable around you. And sometimes honesty is really the best policy. For instance, because of my blatant honesty, I can't actually hang out with Kaelin in his quarters while his roommate is there."
"I think sometimes people use honesty as a cover for rigidity."
"If that's true, I don't know what Phillip is covering, I just don't want to see it uncovered," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head at the memories that surfaced of Kaelin's roommate.
She wrinkled her brow. "What do you mean?"
"Well if honesty covers up rigidity, then I honestly don't want to know what Phillip's insane level of honesty and unfiltered speech are covering up," Ai'lani explained with a shrug.
"Oh," she said, still confused. "You mean he's hostile toward you?"
"Hostile is a bit strong. Let's just say that, when he doesn't like you, he tells you and you proceed from that point."
"Honesty bites sometimes."
"It's better than being fake and telling someone what they want to hear," Ai'lani pointed out. "Anyway, it's getting kind of late and I need to get back to work. Have to head up to the Arboretum, then need to edit some pictures," he said.
"Alright," she said, rising. She'd have liked to hold out her hand for a friendly shake, but she knew better. Ai'lani's handshakes had quite a distracting zing to them. "i'll let you know what Commander Adams says," she made reference to Kaelin's condition and their proposal to get him some help.
"Great. Call me right after. I'll drop everything I'm doing and listen," he assured her. "And don't worry. I'm cute and Deltan and people I work with pretty much let me get away with whatever I want and I use that frequently. Kaelin said it gives Deltans a bad reputation and promotes a stereotype, as well as makes me a bit of a whore, but I just smile and bat my eyes and he forgives me."
Bridget burst out laughing. Shaking her head, she kept the smile on her face. "You're absolutely right about the cute and getting away with whatever you want. Someday that may come back to bite you in the..." she trailed off, still smiling. "Anyway, I'll talk to you soon."
"You too! Bye bye!" Ai'lani said with a smile before giving Bridget a quick kiss on the cheek and then heading down the corridor.
"Hey!" she called after him, her pleasant tone having given way to frustration at the uninvited physical contact and the surge of sexual arousal that even a Deltan peck on the cheek had caused. When he turned, he saw that her face was flushed and a hand rested on the warm spot on her cheek where he'd kissed her. She said, "I like you too, but don't do that again. It causes me too much distraction and makes it hard to focus on my job." She hoped her plea hadn't fallen on deaf ears, but she wondered if he really understood. He didn't know what it was like to be human and have to deal with pent up sexual arousal in the work place, when there was nothing that could be done about it.
"Hey, I didn't do anything," Ai'lani playfully defended himself. "Maybe you just want me," he proposed before giving her a wink and a roguish grin.
Half of her wanted to grin too, and the other half of her wanted to slap that grin right off his face. She opened her mouth to say something, changed her mind, and closed her mouth again. The most frustrating part about it was that at that very moment, with hormones flooding her brain and her thoughts feeling like they had to wade through a layer of mud, she did want him! "Just..." she began, and then stopped, finally conscious that her hand rested on her cheek. She lowered it in embarrassment. "Just don't do that. Don't take it for granted that you'll always get away with it just because I'm your friend." I'm female and I'm Human, which means I could turn on you in a millisecond, she added to herself.
Ai'lani gave her a shrug as his grin shrunk into a sweet smile, his blue eyes shining as he looked back at her. "I won't!" he said almost innocently. "I love you!" he told her, blowing the woman a kiss as he took a few steps away from her towards the turbolift.
She rolled her eyes, knowing he wasn't serious in his profession of love; and yet his parting comments overwhelmed her attempt at being stern. She grinned with a shake of her head as he retreated. In the back of her mind, she had a strong suspicion she was being played like a familiar violin, but she didn't want to think about that, and so pushed the thought away. "Just get out of here, will ya?" she called toward his backpedaling form, as she made a shooing motion with her hands. ΒΈ
Flashing her another dazzling smile, Ai'lani turned on his heel and went off down the corridor.
::OFF::
Ensign Bridget Stapleton
Doctor (General Practitioner)
Sickbay - DS5
and
Ai'lani Elley
Freelance photojournalist
Deep Space 5
by (G) Arrain - Lieutenant Arrienye t'Merek & Lieutenant Bridget Stapleton
Post Details
| Title | Family Matters | |
| Mission | Judgement | |
| Author(s) | (G) Arrain - Lieutenant Arrienye t'Merek & Lieutenant Bridget Stapleton | |
| Posted | Mon Aug 15, 2011 @ 3:34pm | |
| Location | DS5 Officer's Club | |
| Timeline | SD38 - 1310 (Backpost) |
::ON::
Doc Hazlett, as he liked to refer to himself, was a barrel-chested, spectacle-wearing, opinionated 'old school' doctor from Earth's American east coast. He was semi-retired, and worked in one of the civilian health clinics two days a week.
He also liked to swim at the same gym where Bridget worked out.
The two had started talking in the lap pool, and recognized similar interests in their hobbies. Hazlett wanted to continue the conversation, so he invited her to lunch at the Officer's Club. Bridget had accepted, laughing; the only way he would be allowed into the Club was as the guest of a Starfleet officer, and the bold move touched Bridget's weak spot: her sense of humor.
They entered the Club and were directed to the bar. All the tables were full, and there would be a waiting period of about fifteen minutes. Hazlett ordered a drink, but Bridget chose tea; she wasn't fond of drinking alcohol during the daytime. Too much of a chance of getting slightly intoxicated and having that affect her judgement on the job.
She swiveled in her seat, the middle of her back resting on the bar. She and Hazlett were talking about trout fishing in the American Pacific Northwest - Washington and Oregon, as her eyes took in the atmosphere of the restaurant. She hadn't been to the Club as yet, and was appreciating the nautical-themed decor.
Both eyebrows shot up as she recognized Ai'lani, who was seated at a table with a pretty officer dressed in Security colors. They appeared to be having a good time; from Bridget's perch she noticed the young woman's flirtatious body language, and the observation made her shake her head. And then the realization hit her: Kaelin was nowhere to be seen.
Hazlett asked what she was looking at, and what had made her smile in such a strange fashion. Bridget had to give him points for paying attention; she hadn't expected him to be so sharp at his age. She told him that a friend had lied to her, and she found it curiously ironic, since he professed to always tell the truth.
Ai'lani must have sensed that someone was watching him, because Bridget saw his head suddenly come up and look around the Club, until his eyes rested on her.
As they did, Ai'lani's face brightened in a smile and he gave her a small, but heartfelt wave. The Security officer looked over to Bridget and frowned slightly at seeing the woman taking the Deltan's attention away. After a moment he told her something Bridget couldn't hear, before standing up and going over to the bar. "Well, hello there, fancy meeting you here. Afternoon, Dr. Hazlett, how are you doing? Wife and kids alright, I hope?" he asked with a smile directed at the older man.
"Fine and dandy, son, fine and dandy. Thanks for askin'." He made a sideways jog of his head, a nod at Bridget. "Seems like you know my lovely companion, if I'm not mistaken, so I don't need to make introductions." He looked at her with one eyebrow raised as he said the last part; the implication of her knowing the Deltan was clearly written on his face.
"Yes, Bridget and I have met," Ai'lani told the man. "You doing alright, Bridget?" he asked, turning his attention to the woman.
"Aside from getting too little sleep last night," she smiled and then said, "I was just a bit confused. I thought Kaelin was meeting you for lunch today." She turned to Hazlett, including him in the conversation. "You should know him, he's the station's head pathologist."
"Isn't he that pretty boy that filled in at pediatrics this morning? Yes, I've met him." Hazlett frowned. "Quiet sort, I think. Has a lot on his mind. Altogether too serious."
Ai'lani laughed. "Yeah, that's him," he nodded. "And no, we aren't meeting for lunch today. Did he say we were?" he asked Bridget curiously, though inside he felt concerned.
"Yeah he did," Bridget's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "He said he was really looking forward to it, in fact."
Hazlett made a knowing humming noise and stuck a toothpick between his teeth, but didn't comment further.
"Well, it's lunch," Ai'lani said with a shrug. "Kaelin always lies about things like that," he told her.
"Wait, what?" Bridget's tone was incredulous. "I thought one of the benchmarks about being Deltan was truthfulness."
"Well would you look at the time," Hazlett said, pushing his ample girth off his bar stool. "My dear, it's been a pleasure," he said, taking Bridget's hand and lifting it to his lips.
She sputtered an objection to his sudden decision to depart. "What about lunch? I'm sorry, Seth, I wasn't trying to be neglectful."
"Have no fear, I'm not offended in the least. It seems you two need some time to plot about helping your friend, and I'd just be in the way. Besides," he said with a grin at Ai'lani, "there's a security officer over there who appears to have lost a lunch partner, and might welcome some company."
"Oh...right...I'm really sorry," he told the older man, giving the girl an apologetic look too, before settling into the chair opposite Bridget. "I'm really sorry about this. So, about Kaelin. Well, truthfulness is a benchmark of being Deltan. We're incredibly honest with one another. Other races don't exactly fall into that. But, Kaelin is honest. But lying about meals is kind of a common thing with him, in my experiences" he explained, his voice becoming a bit more quiet now. Kaelin had a track record of cancelling on meals with Ai'lani.
'You gotta admit that's kinda contradictory," Bridget said, her tone matching his.
"Well, not really. I thought you'd noticed, but I guess not. So I'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone else, including Kaelin."
"Secrets? Hmmm..." she let that rest, sensing that Ai'lani was confiding in her for a reason.
" I think Kaelin is borderline anorexic," Ai'lani revealed, sipping a glass of tonic the waitress brought to him, noticing him at a different table.
That was the last thing she'd expected him to say, and the surprise showed on her face. "Anorexic? Why on earth would he do that? It isn't as if he's vain and worried about his appearance. Besides, Anorexia has some classic symptoms, that if you know what to look for, are telltale." She waved her hand to emphasize her words and nearly knocked over her tea. Mopping up the slosh with her napkin, she went on, "Are you sure it's Anorexia?"
"I didn't say he's full out anorexic, but he's close. Think about it, have you ever actually seen Kaelin eat anything? Think back to dinner last night," Ai'lani pointed out to Bridget, and as she did think it over, she realized that, even though Kaelin had ordered something sickeningly healthy, he hadn't eaten more than a bite. And she'd simply thought he was engaged in their argument before being called away. Even during their other lunches, he never finished what he was eating on the rare occasions he actually ordered something. Even his morning coffee was made to be strictly healthy.
"But..." she started to say, not wanting to believe it. Ai'lani went on, driving home his point.
"And, if you spent enough time with Kaelin, you'd realize just how obsessed he is with his looks. Did you know he exercises three times a day? He wakes up at 0500 every day and jogs through half the base. He does the same thing every night, and he also has a three hour long workout in the gymnasium after work." Ai'lani spoke calmly. He'd noticed Kaelin's odd eating habits completely by accident, at first finding his rather odd talent at telling just how many calories things had to be kind of amusing.
"I guess I thought I knew him enough that I would recognize the signs." She sat in thought for a moment. "He needs to get seen for this. By the counseling staff."
"Oh, no, you said you wouldn't say anything," Ai'lani told her. "He hasn't gotten any symptoms of a health problem. His weight is normal and he isn't starving himself, so if you jump head first into this, it'll just piss him off and we don't want that," he told her seriously. "The best we can do is make sure he actually eats, which is rough because he's a crafty bastard. And don't let him know you know."
"You don't quite understand, Ai'lani. Anorexia -- even borderline cases -- are a psychological problem with physical manifestations, not the other way around. It's deeper than just a matter of whether he eats or not because he could just as easily eat to please us, then leave the table on the pretext of using the bathroom, and go vomit it all back up. There are issues here that need to be dealt with, because simply getting enough calories to keep the body alive is like putting a band-aid on a severed limb and pretending everything is okay."
Ai'lani rolled his eyes. "Yes, Bridget, I know. I also know that Kaelin, for one, doesn't throw up. What you need to know is that neither you or I know enough about his eating habits to ship him off to the psychiatrist's office. If you do decide to do anything, talk to him first, if you must," Ai'lani allowed. Although he'd noticed Kaelin had problems, he really didn't see a reason to organize an intervention. He'd obviously passed his physical and psychological evaluation right when he transferred, he was at an ideal weight and didn't show any of the more problematic signs of being sick.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, young man," Bridget wagged a finger at Ai'lani, scolding him lightly with a small smile. "I've dealt with this particular illness in my practice back home. Like you said - I didn't notice the signs. But you did. Now you think he's okay because his weight is good and he looks healthy. But do you really know what's going on in here?" She tapped the side of her head with a finger. "Now how do you know he never vomits? Are you with him every day, or at every meal? How much could he be hiding, even from you, his closest friend?"
"Okay, first of, I'm not Kaelin's closest friend. We've known each other a month. I'm his closest friend on this base, though," Ai'lani allowed. "But I suppose you're right, I don't know that he never vomits, I'm just saying that, if you or both of us decide to act, we should speak to him first. He deserves more than a sudden ambush," he explained. "Maybe we should just watch him for a while," he suggested.
"I'm not saying to ambush him. Talking with him would be good. In fact, it would be good if we did that together. To encourage him to go to a counselor, and if he doesn't go, for us to bring the counselor to him."
"He's not going to like it," Ai'lani said with a sigh.
"I wouldn't expect him to. But let me ask you a question. Which is the better friend: the one who is afraid to confront, or the one confronts because he loves?"
"The second one, I guess," Ai'lani hesitantly agreed. "But how are we going to talk to him? I mean, how do we approach the subject?" He'd never actually dealt with anyone going through an eating disorder before.
"Just say that we've noticed that he hasn't been eating. Bring up the part about working out 3 times a day. Tell him that it isn't actually healthy and that he needs to see a psychologist. He may get mad, throw a temper tantrum, change the subject or act persecuted. Or all of the above. If he does, then we know he's in denial and we will have to force the issue."
Ai'lani sighed, for a moment regretting he'd brought it up. But, he knew that thought probably made him a horrible person. "So, when do we talk to him?"
"Soon. I don't think he's in any immediate danger, so we can approach him sometime in the next few days, or week, but we shouldn't put if off for too long. I'd.... I'd like to talk to Chelsea and one of the counselors, quietly, if that's okay with you. It would lay the groundwork for Kaelin's support system."
Ai'lani nodded. "I guess that's alright. I mean, you have more experience at this than I do. Go ahead," he agreed.
"I'll let you know what they say, if you'd like."
"Sure, I'd like that, thanks," Ai'lani said with a smile. "I hope he's okay," he added after a few moments.
Bridget had a mouthful of tea and swallowed hastily. "Well, he's probably gonna be pissed that we bring this up. I'm sure he really would rather that nobody noticed, so he's gonna be a lot less okay once this comes to light. That's the danger point, because unless I miss my guess, Kaelin is going to feel pressured and rejected by us. More than likely he'll abuse himself as well as his friends, at first. But that's just the mental illness working itself out. We stick with him no matter what he says or does, but we don't let him get away with acting like a child with tantrums, whining or excuses. After he gets over that hump and realizes he can reach his goal in a better way, he'll fall in line with the treatment program. Ultimately, it sounds like he just wants to be healthy in mind and body. He just doesn't realize that shortcuts like he's taking really don't work."
"I just don't get it. He looks amazing," Ai'lani shook his head, unable to believe someone who was always so intelligent and mature like Kaelin would do this to himself. "I mean, yes, looks are important, but he has them."
"I once treated a teenage girl," Bridget began with a sad smile, "who, at fifteen years old, was already absolutely gorgeous and mature beyond her years. She had a sweet innocence about her that was very appealing, too. She did well in school, was very athletic, outgoing, and friendly. She came from an upper middle class family, a stable home that had a lot of love. If you didn't know better, you'd think she had a perfect life. But the ten years between fifteen and twenty-five were the hardest years she'd ever gone through, because in her pre-teen years she had convinced herself that she wasn't pretty enough. She'd begun dieting, using every fad she could find. Ultimately they failed her, one after another, and so she just stopped eating. When her parents finally brought her to me, she was sixteen. She was well below her normal weight, and you could see her ribs clearly. When we talked, she told me she was overweight, and that she still needed to lose more. When I found out that she only consumed about 800 calories a day, I was alarmed - she was literally slowly starving herself to death. I don't know how many calories Kaelin is consuming, but I don't think he's nearly that bad off. And yet the situations are similar, because to all outside appearances, they both had everything going for them - looks, talent and intelligence. The root issue was their self-image; somehow they believed that they would not be liked or loved, that they didn't have value, unless they looked and acted a certain way."
Ai'lani listened quietly, his head resting in his hand. "I just can't believe he would do something like this. And he's never really made any comments saying he looks bad, like saying he was fat or something. In fact, he's said he looks amazing occasionally. We joke about it, you know, like 'He's the good looking one,'" Ai'lani explained, obviously upset over this new development. "He has always been kind of introverted and thoughtful, but I just figured that's what he's like," he added.
"Yeah, I've heard you two banter like that," Bridget's smile warmed. She hesitated a moment, then said, "He really does love you, you know."
"I doubt that," Ai'lani said, leaning back in his chair. "We talked about it, actually. He's not sure what he feels for me. I think it's the pheromones," he explained.
"No, I don't think so, Ai'lani. I think it goes deeper than that. Is it possible you don't want to believe that he's in love with you?"
"He's not in love with me. He's infatuated and because all he gets is a feed of my pheromones without responding with his own, his feelings are all screwed up," Ai'lani protested, a little annoyed.
"Wait, what?" She blushed now, thinking they were walking into territory where she just...just didn't want to know. But he'd said something that she had to follow up on. "What do you mean he doesn't respond with his own, and so his feelings are all screwed up?"
"Well, think of it like this. You know what the effect of Deltan pheromones feels like, right? Well, Deltan pheromones aren't designed for aliens, so you don't feel their full effect, only a small part of them. They affect Deltans more strongly than aliens," Ai'lani explained.
"Right, go on," she said.
"Deltans communicate through words, touch, empathy, subconscious telepathy and chemicals, namely pheromones. Now that causes some serious emotional reactions through communication and things can only be communicated between Deltans clearly if all of these methods are used at once. Kaelin doesn't have one aspect of his communication at hand so there's no full two way communication going on between us so we don't know each other that well. I know it sounds odd but it's complicated," Ai'lani tried to explain further. "Think of it like this. You see a guy who you hear is wonderful and lovely and is good looking and nice to you. But haven't really met him. So you develop an infatuation with that person without really knowing whether or not your two personalities are compatible or not. That's how Kaelin sees me. Does that make any sense at all? Because it's hard to explain Deltan communication to aliens."
Bridget sat back and nodded. "Sure, that analogy works for me. And I get what you mean now. It's about the pheromone suppressant that he takes; we have had this sort of conversation before, but I hadn't come at it from this angle. So you're saying it's impossible for Kaelin to really know whether he loves you or not, because his pheromones are inhibited and therefore his true participation in the Deltan love relationship is impaired.."
She paused a moment, sipping her tea, which was now stone cold. "I saw Kaelin as being in love based on the things he said and the actions he did. But I was naturally applying a Human interpretation. In Human experience, people who have impaired psyches - those with emotional illnesses, or those who have physical damage or dysfunctions of their brains - are still counted as able to be truly in love, with a few extreme exceptions. The degree to which they are able to do this varies, of course. But our species counts it as love, even though it may be of a lesser degree than those without the limitations. We count being in love not only as an emotional feeling, but also as a series of long-term commitments, conscious decisions and actions that are sometimes at odds with the person's emotions. For us, to love is to act in loving ways, even when we might not feel like it at the moment."
"Well, Deltans are extremely emotional. And humans only have one way of clear communication. You speak to express yourselves clearly. But you also use body language and touch sometimes but that isn't as clear," Ai'lani explained. "But love, in itself, is a feeling, that's all it is. I actually heard a lot of people think Deltans can't really fall in love. Not in that special romantic way," he chuckled as he said this. "Because when you ask a Deltan if they're in love, we're always in love." Ai'lani laughed.
"I'll disagree with you that love is nothing more than a feeling. If it was, then people would fall in and out of love willy-nilly, and there would be no such thing as long-term monogamous relationships," Bridget countered.
"Also, as you've said this too, I think, humans always feel the need to stress they're in a monogamous relationship when you're talking to us. Deltans have monogamous relationships too. In our own way. I mean, I know a lot of Deltans who are bonded with one other person. Most, actually."
Bridget thought about that for a moment, wanting to be honest about her race. "I think we do that because we fear loss. We want to protect and preserve current relationships and we feel threatened whenever our significant other has an attraction to someone else. The attraction is normal, but acting on it threatens the stability of the first relationship."
"Only if you can't differentiate between attraction and different types of love," Ai'lani pointed out. "That's what I mean when I say love is a feeling because if you didn't feel love, you wouldn't feel compelled to commit yourself to another person that way. Deltans bond with one person in a very thorough way, similar, but not exactly, like Vulcans do. But, we still initiate sexual relationships with people we're attracted to and are friends with. We consider intimacy as something special that we like to experience with the people we love. Whether we love them as friends or romantically is just emotional and only affects the emotional part of the spiritual link."
Bridget shook her head. "Yeah, I think that's where I draw the line. Jealousy is also a feeling, and maybe Deltans just don't experience it." She recalled her discussion with Yolanthe Ilbain, and felt again the mixed emotions which came out of that.
"We can get jealous, but it's a hurtful emotion, so we try to sort it out quickly. We do get jealous if a person we love is having romantic feelings for someone else. But like I said, it's destructive, so we try to sort our feelings out quickly and efficiently."
She leaned forward. "What if it can't be sorted out quickly and efficiently? What if the person you love has decided they no longer love you? You would feel the destructive emotions, but the other person would not, because they've already started attaching their emotions to the new person. So would those painful emotions you experience dissipate if the other person told you they no longer loved you? Are you able to override your emotions with your intellect to the point that there's no pain upon the relationship being torn apart?"
"See, that's the thing. We feel each other's emotions all the time. If one Deltan is in emotional pain, everyone close to them is too. And we don't just decide we're not in love with someone anymore. We bond for life," Ai'lani explained.
"I suppose that makes sense," she said, thinking of her own internal battles, where one emotion is in direct opposition to another emotion. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to come to think the way you do. Humans aren't psychologically or emotionally wired that way. I'm sure its why Deltans don't have relationships with Humans, and why Humans have instituted the regulations for Deltans."
"Well, at the risk of starting another argument, I think that, considering our unwillingness to enter into relationship with aliens, the regulations seem kind of useless," Ai'lani responded. "So, this whole line of conversation," he trailed off, knowing that her question couldn't have just come from nowhere. "Is there something going on? I mean, if I'm overstepping or something, just tell me, but, is everything okay?"
A mental image of Yolanthe, lying on a bio bed with her body the color of lilacs, flashed into Bridget's head. It intensified the swarm of emotions she was already feeling. "No. Well... yes..." she started. "Okay, I saw Yolanthe Ilbain today. She was in Medical for some testing, to see if a map could be made of her pigment changes. You know, for her court case?"
"Yeah, I know. I am a journalist, after all," he said with a small smile.
"So we had a talk and I think she might be innocent. Of the murder, I mean. But I also think she might intend to sleep with Edward." A deep frown pulled her lips in a tight line and she avoided Ai'lani's eyes. After a second, she went on. "I obviously don't want that to happen, but I am having a hard time hating her for it. It's just all very mixed up."
"Do you think Edward would have sex with her?" Ai'lani asked, looking at her curiously. He obviously wasn't a man for euphemisms. For now he didn't comment on Yolanthe's innocence. Both he and Kaelin believed she was innocent, but he didn't comment, deciding to focus on Bridget's emotions instead.
She sighed heavily. "No. I don't think so. But lately we've been distant, and I have to ask myself if it's not all my fault. I look back on some of our conversations and I wonder if I'm not driving him away." Her vulnerability was raw, and it gave a ragged edge to her voice.
"With what? I mean, you two have been together a long time. And just because you've both been a little distant doesn't mean he'll go off to be with someone else," Ai'lani told her.
She gave him a long look. "You obviously aren't as well acquainted with humans as you think you are." She immediately regretted letting that come out of her mouth; it was snippy and sarcastic, and she didn't mean to lash out at her friend. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean that."
"It's okay," Ai'lani said, but still looked a little hurt despite his assurance. "I think you should talk to Edward about all of this. I mean, if you don't trust him, you two should talk. And if you do trust him, you should still talk. Because, if you are concerned about him having sex with someone else, he's the only person who can decide that. So he's the only person who you can go to confirm or deny your suspicions. Letting them just brew inside you will just make you feel worse."
"I'm a foolish, jealous woman. That's the point, I guess." She finally met Ai'lani's eyes. "We have talked about it, my friend. And he's given me every reassurance that there's nothing whatsoever between he and Yolanthe Ilbain. He tells me that he wears that ridiculous costume because it was the more modest of the ones available to him. And he says he works there because he's loyal, his boss is currently in a jam and he wants to help her out. So I have no legitimate reason to suspect him of anything. And yet I do. So the problem, logically, is all in here." She tapped the side of her head with a fingernail.
"Yes, I guess you're right. Maybe you're feeling guilty over something and believe he should go off with someone else?" he asked tentatively. "Is there anything you're guilty about? Maybe you aren't spending time with him enough?"
"Maybe," she shrugged noncommittally. It wasn't guilt she was feeling, or so she thought. "We just see each other in passing and most of that is spent asleep. I work days, he works nights. We'll get that sorted out eventually, but in the mean time it's hell on the relationship."
"Can't you both meet for lunch every day?" Ai'lani asked. "I mean, if he's free now, then why are you having lunch with me?"
"Rules," she shrugged. "He's got a lot of rules to follow, and one of them is not letting his players see him consistently with someone. He's not allowed to wear his wedding ring. Things like that. He can't let on that he's taken."
"And he can't take an hour off to come here?"
"No, remember dinner yesterday? They get about half an hour and it's not a scheduled thing, it has to do with the flow of customer traffic at their tables. It's not like they get a set time each day for their lunch break. He had to ask special permission to eat with us at a certain time."
The Deltan rolled his eyes. "I can't imagine him getting paid enough to put up with that," Ai'lani admitted. "If I was in his place, I'd quit by now. I mean, it's not like he's known the people at the bar for years to actually have any loyalty to them. Especially if he can plainly see that it's taking it's toll on your marriage."
She nodded vigorously. "I agree with you there! And I tried explaining that to him. But he wouldn't budge."
"Well then, he's an idiot. I know he's your husband and I don't really know him, but any man who puts a job or loyalty to a boss and people he barely knows above loyalty and dedication to his wife and marriage is an idiot. I don't have to meet him to tell that."
She gave a bittersweet smile and shrugged. "On the one hand I agree with you. He's a workaholic, has been as long as I've known him. That was a major factor in my urging him to not get a job when we came to the station. I was hoping it would be a clean break, and he wouldn't be working seventy hours a week any more. But he insisted he'd go stark raving mad without something meaningful to do. We were at an impasse, all the way here from Earth. I suggested hobbies, but he wouldn't have any of it."
She smiled ruefully, thinking about the subject of Kaelin from earlier. "He and Kaelin have some similar stubbornness to them, don't they."
"I never really got the stubborn vibe from Kaelin. He's more of a perfectionist. But, then again, I don't know him as well as I'd like."
Isn't perfectionism characterized by a stubborn determination to do things a certain way? Bridget thought to herself, but decided not to point that out. "I think that's true for everyone who knows Kaelin," she said instead.
"Yes, I suppose so. I guess if he didn't take those inhibitors I'd know him a lot better, but we get what we get I suppose."
"Yeah we do get what we get, and we try to make the best of it." With a smile she said, "At least we can vent to each other about it."
"Yeah," Ai'lani said with a laugh. "That's something at least. And believe me, I'll have a lot more to vent about when Dominic comes back from his little treasure hunt."
Bridget's smile widened. "He's in good hands, Ai'lani. I doubt you'll have anything to be concerned about." She had a gut feeling about Gregori Monteros, something about him she just really liked. Maybe it was that roguish charm, or the settled self-confidence. Either way, she couldn't see him allowing Dominic to come to any harm.
"No, it's not that I'm concerned. I trust Gregori. His daughter and I are friends. It's just that when Dommy comes back to DS5. He's kind of a handful. The only reason he's behaved himself so far on DS5 is because he was sick and that slowed him down," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head slightly at the thought of how lively Dominic could get.
"Now that he's better, he'll be getting into mischief," Bridget predicted, her expression conspiratorial.
"Oh yeah," Ai'lani nodded with a knowing look. "It's like he's on something half the time. Like someone hooked him into an electrical current. I have to say, and I've said it before, you humans do not go through puberty as gracefully as I'd imagined."
She laughed through her nose and nodded. "If we could come up with a way to sail through puberty, we'd bottle it, sell it and be as rich as the Grand Nagus."
"Yeah, I suppose so," Ai'lani smiled. "I think he's just got the extra difficulty of not really having anyone close to turn to for advice. I mean, I can't really help him much. We're not the same species, so it doesn't work the same."
"Yeah, I can understand that. And he probably needs to be mothered a little bit, even though he'd fiercely deny it if you asked him. I hope you have women in his life to inject a little 'mom disease'." She grinned.
"They're Deltan, so that doesn't really help his guidance through puberty," Ai'lani explained. "My sister has been a mother figure for him, so he isn't lacking in that. I've just never really gotten close to any humans. Well, Dominic's mother not included," he said with a shrug. "Don't really know any I'd trust to guide Dom into adulthood."
"Sure," she nodded. "Anybody would be protective of who influences their kids. Am I wrong in thinking you're talking specifically about helping him in dealing with his hormonal changes, and interest in girls, and things like that?"
"No, that's kind of the biggest issue. The 'Talk' wasn't necessary, considering he grew up surrounded by Deltans, but his attitude towards sex is something I really have no idea how to teach. Well, correct, actually."
"What would you need to correct?"
"Well, I kind of did some damage by giving him a very Deltan view on sex and relationships, which I couldn't really help, since, like I said, he grew up surrounded by Deltans. But only recently he's realized that things don't really work in other parts of the quadrant the way that do on Delta IV. I guess it's more damage control than guiding at this point."
"Ahh, I see," she sat back, sipping her water and letting the information sink in. "That's a bit of a sticky wicket, really. Has he been asking questions? Or have his comments been confrontational?"
"Dominic is anything but confrontational. He's more emotional in the sense that he's very open and very...well, emotional. He wears his heart on his sleeve. So he's been asking questions that I can't really answer, like how could he know if someone likes him as more than a friend, when can he finally have sex, but I think he's taken a step back concerning the last one since his friend from his last school punched him in the face when he asked if they could do it together," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head at the memory of Dominic coming home with a big red welt on his face.
"Ohhhh," Bridget winced. "Yeah I can see how that really threw him for a loop. I hope he was able to explain things to his friend and they were able to continue their friendship."
"Oh no, after that first punch, they grew apart. Plus, I travel a lot for work, so we didn't stay there very long anyway," Ai'lani explained. "He's been much more careful about those kinds of things since then. He's still eager to live and experience things, of course. I think he's kind of in a slight panic over the idea that humans don't live as long as Deltans, so he has the feeling that he might miss something."
"In fact, I'd say it starts at birth," she said with a grin, recalling the multiple times she'd seen one of her own babies fall fast asleep in the middle of a meal because they had resisted their nap time vigorously, not wanting to miss any of the life going on around them. "So does he have friends here on DS5?"
Ai'lani shook his head. "No, he's been sick and after that cleared he really hasn't shown an interest in going out and meeting people. School is out and he's always been a bit shy about approaching people his age casually."
"Well, from everything you've said, he sounds like a normal teenager," Bridget tried to reassure her friend.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Ai'lani asked with a smirk. "I just want to see him fit in, get some friends, but he always has a tendency to stick out. I mean, I love him to death and I love that he's unique and his own person, but he can be incredibly difficult. He doesn't like to adapt, you see. And while that is commendable, a little flexibility when dealing with people would probably make his life easier."
Bridget laughed. "Honey, welcome to my world." She leaned forward and put her forearms on the table. "Really, you worry too much. It's not like you're a bad parent or he's a bad kid. It's good to monitor him and look for signs that things are skewing off in the wrong direction, because that's sometimes a reality that parents and kids have to address. But it sounds like you're doing everything you possibly can to be a great father to him. But even if you were the perfect parent and he had a perfect environment, there are going to be internal imperfections that will work their way out. Being inflexible is a hallmark of boys his age. Not fitting in, that too. You just gotta be patient and keep doing the things you are doing. Keep trying new things with him. Keep introducing him to new people and new experiences. It will all work out in the end."
She started laughing again and amended, "And in the mean time, it's hell."
Ai'lani laughed with her, shaking his head. "Thanks for the advice," he said sincerely once the laughing died down. "I hope we can resolve the situation with Kaelin this easily," he added.
"Yeah that's not going to be so fun, and there will be times you'll feel like you're trying to parent two children, I think."
"Well, as far as Kaelin's anger or frustration with us goes, he'll hold a grudge against you a lot longer than me," Ai'lani explained to her, knowing that two Deltans rarely had problems that lasted very long in their relationship. It as just too painful to cling to.
She shrugged. "Can't be helped."
"You don't care about him being angry at you?" Ai'lani asked.
'Of course I care," she began. "That's the whole point. If I didn't really care about Kaelin, why would I be willing to go through all this... bruhahah" she waved a hand in the air for emphasis, "and risk his ire?"
Ai'lani sighed, slouching back against his seat. "I know. I just don't like having people angry at me."
"Me either," she said. "I've always felt insecure when I have to face conflict."
"At least you don't have to literally feel the other person's anger," Ai'lani supplied.
"No, I don't," she admitted. "But some people are pretty good at getting as much of it aimed at you as possible, and they don't mince words doing it." She recalled a particularly upsetting discussion years before, with a patient's husband. He had been rather brutal and verbally abusive in his dictatorial insistence that his wife receive a risky treatment. Outwardly, she shivered slightly at the memory. "I don't think I need to literally feel their anger to have a pretty good idea of how it feels to be on the receiving end."
"I'm not good at arguing or pushing something on anyone," the Deltan admitted. "Kaelin is better at conflict than I am."
"You could have fooled me," she said, softening the words with a smile and wink.
Ai'lani smiled. "I'm good at pointing out and sticking to my opinions. I don't insult people on purpose or push things too far."
"But you let your opinions be known, even if you are well aware the other person is going to disagree with you."
"Of course I do. What do you want me to do? Smile nicely and say 'yes' when I really mean 'no'?"
She shifted in her seat. "Sometimes the diplomatic approach is the better option."
"Yes, in diplomatic situations. I find it much easier when I'm 100% honest with people about my views from the start. Besides, 'diplomatic', to me, is just another word for lying to make your life easier and people more comfortable around you. And sometimes honesty is really the best policy. For instance, because of my blatant honesty, I can't actually hang out with Kaelin in his quarters while his roommate is there."
"I think sometimes people use honesty as a cover for rigidity."
"If that's true, I don't know what Phillip is covering, I just don't want to see it uncovered," Ai'lani explained, shaking his head at the memories that surfaced of Kaelin's roommate.
She wrinkled her brow. "What do you mean?"
"Well if honesty covers up rigidity, then I honestly don't want to know what Phillip's insane level of honesty and unfiltered speech are covering up," Ai'lani explained with a shrug.
"Oh," she said, still confused. "You mean he's hostile toward you?"
"Hostile is a bit strong. Let's just say that, when he doesn't like you, he tells you and you proceed from that point."
"Honesty bites sometimes."
"It's better than being fake and telling someone what they want to hear," Ai'lani pointed out. "Anyway, it's getting kind of late and I need to get back to work. Have to head up to the Arboretum, then need to edit some pictures," he said.
"Alright," she said, rising. She'd have liked to hold out her hand for a friendly shake, but she knew better. Ai'lani's handshakes had quite a distracting zing to them. "i'll let you know what Commander Adams says," she made reference to Kaelin's condition and their proposal to get him some help.
"Great. Call me right after. I'll drop everything I'm doing and listen," he assured her. "And don't worry. I'm cute and Deltan and people I work with pretty much let me get away with whatever I want and I use that frequently. Kaelin said it gives Deltans a bad reputation and promotes a stereotype, as well as makes me a bit of a whore, but I just smile and bat my eyes and he forgives me."
Bridget burst out laughing. Shaking her head, she kept the smile on her face. "You're absolutely right about the cute and getting away with whatever you want. Someday that may come back to bite you in the..." she trailed off, still smiling. "Anyway, I'll talk to you soon."
"You too! Bye bye!" Ai'lani said with a smile before giving Bridget a quick kiss on the cheek and then heading down the corridor.
"Hey!" she called after him, her pleasant tone having given way to frustration at the uninvited physical contact and the surge of sexual arousal that even a Deltan peck on the cheek had caused. When he turned, he saw that her face was flushed and a hand rested on the warm spot on her cheek where he'd kissed her. She said, "I like you too, but don't do that again. It causes me too much distraction and makes it hard to focus on my job." She hoped her plea hadn't fallen on deaf ears, but she wondered if he really understood. He didn't know what it was like to be human and have to deal with pent up sexual arousal in the work place, when there was nothing that could be done about it.
"Hey, I didn't do anything," Ai'lani playfully defended himself. "Maybe you just want me," he proposed before giving her a wink and a roguish grin.
Half of her wanted to grin too, and the other half of her wanted to slap that grin right off his face. She opened her mouth to say something, changed her mind, and closed her mouth again. The most frustrating part about it was that at that very moment, with hormones flooding her brain and her thoughts feeling like they had to wade through a layer of mud, she did want him! "Just..." she began, and then stopped, finally conscious that her hand rested on her cheek. She lowered it in embarrassment. "Just don't do that. Don't take it for granted that you'll always get away with it just because I'm your friend." I'm female and I'm Human, which means I could turn on you in a millisecond, she added to herself.
Ai'lani gave her a shrug as his grin shrunk into a sweet smile, his blue eyes shining as he looked back at her. "I won't!" he said almost innocently. "I love you!" he told her, blowing the woman a kiss as he took a few steps away from her towards the turbolift.
She rolled her eyes, knowing he wasn't serious in his profession of love; and yet his parting comments overwhelmed her attempt at being stern. She grinned with a shake of her head as he retreated. In the back of her mind, she had a strong suspicion she was being played like a familiar violin, but she didn't want to think about that, and so pushed the thought away. "Just get out of here, will ya?" she called toward his backpedaling form, as she made a shooing motion with her hands. ΒΈ
Flashing her another dazzling smile, Ai'lani turned on his heel and went off down the corridor.
::OFF::
Ensign Bridget Stapleton
Doctor (General Practitioner)
Sickbay - DS5
and
Ai'lani Elley
Freelance photojournalist
Deep Space 5