Things Past – Regrets
by Commander Chelsea Dunham
Post Details
ON:
Two hours sleep after a long day the day before and then a night shift, hardly sufficient but he was awake anyway. Ryan showered and changed into a new clean uniform, replicated a coffee and made way for the door, grabbing his medical tricorder as he did. The doors hissed open and he left, not expecting what was about to come.
Illiana had been hoping she had timed this right and had passed by twice already, trying not to get spotted by the same person more than once which would have given her away. Her father would have been proud she thought, if he had seen how stealthy she was.
Now it had paid off. Milarno was coming out. She hurried and then feigned a trip and she was physically up against him, a perfect shot! He hadn't seen her coming and she had managed to get herself soaked by his coffee, and him too! Nicely done!
"OH! I'm SO sorry!!" she spluttered as if it had been a terrible accident that shocked and horrified her.
"Sorry!" Ryan raged as he winced in pain. "Sorry!" he repeated. "Jesus woman you're everywhere, look i get it, you've got a crush but hanging around which was what you were doing by the way isn't healthy at all, and I'm not a counselor so thankfully I can't help you" he told her and heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed his chest which was now stinging.
Illiana looked subdued, even ashamed a she stared at the floor as if it had developed teeth and was eating a her ankles. "I want to spend time with you. How else will that happen if I don't *hang around* as you put it. I *really* do like you Ryan. What can I say?"
"Alright but I haven't really thought about you in that way, alright yeah you're attracted but what do you want me to do about it? What do you want from me more. precisely?"
"Precisely? Seriously? Do you want a map?" she asked, almost instantly regretting how that seemed to come out.
"Oh so what? I let you come in and we get down to business?" Ryan asked with a deep frown. "I don't think so"
"So you don't like me *that way*?" she replied, looking hurt.
"I didn't say that" Ryan told her as he looked her in the eye. "You are attractive"
"Then why are you making it so hard for me? I am Cardassian, I won't beg you..." She had missed the point.
Ryan rolled his eyes. "With what little you know of me already...think about what you just said" he told her as he folded his arms.
Illiana looked up at him and melted. This was *meant* to be an act but it was getting more real with every event. She was impressed. Very impressed. She laid on a sigh for effect and rocked backwards a little. "Well I wasn't expecting *you* to, if that's what you're thinking... i know better than *that*" she admitted.
"Better than what?" Ryan asked with a hint of a smile.
"You might not like it but you're stubborn and proud enough to be a Cardassian!" she accused him gently, this being a compliment from her but without any thought it might not be taken as one by him.
"Excuse me? Stubborness and pride are general traits for anybody, I was half human, bajoran before all this crap reared its ugly butt so" he growled in frustration. "Do you actually realise how sensitive a subject this is?"
"It's okay, I do understand that anyone might be sensitive about being Bajoran but I wouldn't think you would mind being Terran and your Cardassian side makes up for anything you can't be proud of from the rest." she commented. A full blooded Cardassian, bred and brought up under the oppressive arrogance of her breed's culture and self-opinion made these indoctrinated opinions seem natural to Illiana.
Ryan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I wasn't meaning being Bajoran...there's no need for more insults, I'm going to get changed" he told her and turned back into his quarters.
"Insults? i didn't mean to be insulting........ " she hurried after him genuinely confused. "What did I say that upset you?"
"I hate being Cardassian, and I love being part Bajoran, that's what bothered me, you Cardassians, all high and mighty..." he told her as he turned to face her, realising now she had followed him inside his quarters.
As he turned on her, his face full of anger, it was time for Illiana to have doubts about her job to find out all she could about him and try to get him to fall for her charms so he would be malleable for the purposes of her father and his plans.
She had pretended she really liked him at first but now she was beginning to understand that it was true and she had clearly blown her chances of ever getting him to like her because she'd done so much wrong already. "Ryan.... " she began cautiously. "Please may I tell you something.... " she drew in a deep breath and looked at him with an expression he had never seen before. It was one of resignation and of complete honesty.
Ryan found himself nodding and he sat himself down on the sofa and looked up at her. "Go on".
Illiana sat beside him and folded her hands in her lap. It was a gesture that was nothing like any of the brazenness she had shown up to now. She spoke with respect, keeping her eyes partly down as she spoke but occasionally raising them so he could see that they still held a genuine contriteness and confession. "I was sent to plague you." she admitted. She braced herself as he took that in.
"It was my mission to ensnare you somehow. My femine wiles if they would work or my abilities as an actress, playing some hurt injured creature to entice your sympathy and chivalry. Both of which you exhibited, I must admit. But in amongst the mighty efforts I made to get your attention, I have to tell you that I have come to genuinely feel that which i have been affecting." she didn't stop for a breath but now she had started, she kept on going.
"I know you have no reason whatsoever to believe a word I say, now or ever.... and I deeply regret that.... " she looked at him, her soft brown eyes filled with something that told him this at least was true. "I don't feel I can ask you to forgive me. Whyever should you? But I do want you to know that I have hurt myself with the loss of your trust and friendship which I have come to understand were worth more than I could have known until it was too late." She stood up ready to leave as soon as he had told her what she deserved to hear and sent her away forever.
Ryan frowned as he tried to process everything she had told him. "Ensnare me? Why? For what purpose?" he asked as she got to her feet.
"My father is a friend of Legate Hydal. It was his wish that you be unravelled for whatever purpose, I can only imagine some form of revenge or retribution? Did you cross him?" she answered with the same honesty, seeing no point in returning to any other way now.
Ryan sighed and nodded his head. "I did yes, and you can tell him and your father that if he wants a war then he's got one, I might be some twisted hybrid to them but I'm still a man and I will stand up for myself if the need arises"
"If you don't mind, and please don't take my refusal wrong, but I shall not be returning to my father's establishment. I will neither be welcome there for my change of heart but nor will i wish to be used in such a way again. I have learned much about how men should and should not behave and you are not any kind of twisted to me. I admire your strength, your honesty and your kindness. I have found only stubborness, pride and duplicity where i am from and kindness is considered akin to weakness. I have now tasted the difference and i want no more of the ways I was given to aspire to. I want to live amongst people like you. Do you think I will be able to ask Starfleet to train me as a nurse? But don't answer that, I should not be imposing on you, i have done enough to harm you already. I hope in time you might be able to see how i change and perhaps you might forgive me for trying to deceive you and repay your kindness with such bad grace."
Ryan sighed he seriously couldn't believe what he had just thought. "Where will you stay?"
"I have not thought about that. I have only just thought out what I do and don't want to do... i didn't work out how i was going to change or where I'd go to do that.... I suppose I must get a job to support myself.... I wonder if i could find a job on the Promenade... maybe someone would like a cook... or a secretary... or an actress.." she gave a hollow little laugh at that last suggestion which had been a sort of joke but it came out laden with irony and self-loathing. "I'm sorry, that wasn't funny" she apologised.
"I must be crazy..." he told her as he stood up. "What you could have done with that little act could have had serious consequences for me, I can't be sure, I don't know what they would have done with me but it wouldn't have been pretty...and no I'm not happy, I'm angry, really angry...but I'm not going to see you out on the streets as it were..." he swallowed hard. "You can stay here, in the other room, surprised by that? So am I"
"That is not surprising actually, it fits with what i have come to understand of you. You're a good man, Doctor Ryan Milarno. Thank you. But I could not, in all conscience, put you through this when i have been so dishonest with you up until now. It's dishonourable enough that I let this go so far but to now accept your hospitality and protection would be monstrous." she sighed and shook her head.
"Illiana...I'm not happy about you right now, of course I'm not but you need my help just like a patient would, this is just different, on another level...I can forgive in time...the offers open for ten seconds, decide" he told her.
"I cannot accept your kindness to me as a patient who needs care. It would be wrong to take that sort of advantage of your chivalry and charity when I have been willing to do you wrong - even if i didn't see it through in the end. I have to start defining right from wrong from now on." she turned but then seemed to make a decision, turned back quickly and kissed his cheek unexpectedly before muttering "Thank you for showing me how to do the right thing" and fleeing, tears welling that she was determined not to shed or show until she was alone.
Ryan was left standing stunned by the turn of events, confusion clouded his thoughts but what he did know was all of a sudden he was concerned for her now; although he didn't know about the plan now he told himself he should have played along, accepted her closeness toward him since their first meeting in sickbay when she showed him some attention, now she was gone and he couldn't help but blame himself a little. She mattered to him now, and he didn't know what to do with that feeling.
A JP Between:
Lieutenant Ryan Milarno
ACMO
DS5
&
Illiana Novek
Civilian & Spy
Played By Jools
by Commander Chelsea Dunham
Post Details
| Title | Regrets | |
| Mission | Things Past | |
| Author(s) | Commander Chelsea Dunham | |
| Posted | Sun Mar 24, 2013 @ 10:42pm | |
| Location | ACMO's Quarters | |
| Timeline | Current - Not Relevant to Current Mission Posts |
Two hours sleep after a long day the day before and then a night shift, hardly sufficient but he was awake anyway. Ryan showered and changed into a new clean uniform, replicated a coffee and made way for the door, grabbing his medical tricorder as he did. The doors hissed open and he left, not expecting what was about to come.
Illiana had been hoping she had timed this right and had passed by twice already, trying not to get spotted by the same person more than once which would have given her away. Her father would have been proud she thought, if he had seen how stealthy she was.
Now it had paid off. Milarno was coming out. She hurried and then feigned a trip and she was physically up against him, a perfect shot! He hadn't seen her coming and she had managed to get herself soaked by his coffee, and him too! Nicely done!
"OH! I'm SO sorry!!" she spluttered as if it had been a terrible accident that shocked and horrified her.
"Sorry!" Ryan raged as he winced in pain. "Sorry!" he repeated. "Jesus woman you're everywhere, look i get it, you've got a crush but hanging around which was what you were doing by the way isn't healthy at all, and I'm not a counselor so thankfully I can't help you" he told her and heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed his chest which was now stinging.
Illiana looked subdued, even ashamed a she stared at the floor as if it had developed teeth and was eating a her ankles. "I want to spend time with you. How else will that happen if I don't *hang around* as you put it. I *really* do like you Ryan. What can I say?"
"Alright but I haven't really thought about you in that way, alright yeah you're attracted but what do you want me to do about it? What do you want from me more. precisely?"
"Precisely? Seriously? Do you want a map?" she asked, almost instantly regretting how that seemed to come out.
"Oh so what? I let you come in and we get down to business?" Ryan asked with a deep frown. "I don't think so"
"So you don't like me *that way*?" she replied, looking hurt.
"I didn't say that" Ryan told her as he looked her in the eye. "You are attractive"
"Then why are you making it so hard for me? I am Cardassian, I won't beg you..." She had missed the point.
Ryan rolled his eyes. "With what little you know of me already...think about what you just said" he told her as he folded his arms.
Illiana looked up at him and melted. This was *meant* to be an act but it was getting more real with every event. She was impressed. Very impressed. She laid on a sigh for effect and rocked backwards a little. "Well I wasn't expecting *you* to, if that's what you're thinking... i know better than *that*" she admitted.
"Better than what?" Ryan asked with a hint of a smile.
"You might not like it but you're stubborn and proud enough to be a Cardassian!" she accused him gently, this being a compliment from her but without any thought it might not be taken as one by him.
"Excuse me? Stubborness and pride are general traits for anybody, I was half human, bajoran before all this crap reared its ugly butt so" he growled in frustration. "Do you actually realise how sensitive a subject this is?"
"It's okay, I do understand that anyone might be sensitive about being Bajoran but I wouldn't think you would mind being Terran and your Cardassian side makes up for anything you can't be proud of from the rest." she commented. A full blooded Cardassian, bred and brought up under the oppressive arrogance of her breed's culture and self-opinion made these indoctrinated opinions seem natural to Illiana.
Ryan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I wasn't meaning being Bajoran...there's no need for more insults, I'm going to get changed" he told her and turned back into his quarters.
"Insults? i didn't mean to be insulting........ " she hurried after him genuinely confused. "What did I say that upset you?"
"I hate being Cardassian, and I love being part Bajoran, that's what bothered me, you Cardassians, all high and mighty..." he told her as he turned to face her, realising now she had followed him inside his quarters.
As he turned on her, his face full of anger, it was time for Illiana to have doubts about her job to find out all she could about him and try to get him to fall for her charms so he would be malleable for the purposes of her father and his plans.
She had pretended she really liked him at first but now she was beginning to understand that it was true and she had clearly blown her chances of ever getting him to like her because she'd done so much wrong already. "Ryan.... " she began cautiously. "Please may I tell you something.... " she drew in a deep breath and looked at him with an expression he had never seen before. It was one of resignation and of complete honesty.
Ryan found himself nodding and he sat himself down on the sofa and looked up at her. "Go on".
Illiana sat beside him and folded her hands in her lap. It was a gesture that was nothing like any of the brazenness she had shown up to now. She spoke with respect, keeping her eyes partly down as she spoke but occasionally raising them so he could see that they still held a genuine contriteness and confession. "I was sent to plague you." she admitted. She braced herself as he took that in.
"It was my mission to ensnare you somehow. My femine wiles if they would work or my abilities as an actress, playing some hurt injured creature to entice your sympathy and chivalry. Both of which you exhibited, I must admit. But in amongst the mighty efforts I made to get your attention, I have to tell you that I have come to genuinely feel that which i have been affecting." she didn't stop for a breath but now she had started, she kept on going.
"I know you have no reason whatsoever to believe a word I say, now or ever.... and I deeply regret that.... " she looked at him, her soft brown eyes filled with something that told him this at least was true. "I don't feel I can ask you to forgive me. Whyever should you? But I do want you to know that I have hurt myself with the loss of your trust and friendship which I have come to understand were worth more than I could have known until it was too late." She stood up ready to leave as soon as he had told her what she deserved to hear and sent her away forever.
Ryan frowned as he tried to process everything she had told him. "Ensnare me? Why? For what purpose?" he asked as she got to her feet.
"My father is a friend of Legate Hydal. It was his wish that you be unravelled for whatever purpose, I can only imagine some form of revenge or retribution? Did you cross him?" she answered with the same honesty, seeing no point in returning to any other way now.
Ryan sighed and nodded his head. "I did yes, and you can tell him and your father that if he wants a war then he's got one, I might be some twisted hybrid to them but I'm still a man and I will stand up for myself if the need arises"
"If you don't mind, and please don't take my refusal wrong, but I shall not be returning to my father's establishment. I will neither be welcome there for my change of heart but nor will i wish to be used in such a way again. I have learned much about how men should and should not behave and you are not any kind of twisted to me. I admire your strength, your honesty and your kindness. I have found only stubborness, pride and duplicity where i am from and kindness is considered akin to weakness. I have now tasted the difference and i want no more of the ways I was given to aspire to. I want to live amongst people like you. Do you think I will be able to ask Starfleet to train me as a nurse? But don't answer that, I should not be imposing on you, i have done enough to harm you already. I hope in time you might be able to see how i change and perhaps you might forgive me for trying to deceive you and repay your kindness with such bad grace."
Ryan sighed he seriously couldn't believe what he had just thought. "Where will you stay?"
"I have not thought about that. I have only just thought out what I do and don't want to do... i didn't work out how i was going to change or where I'd go to do that.... I suppose I must get a job to support myself.... I wonder if i could find a job on the Promenade... maybe someone would like a cook... or a secretary... or an actress.." she gave a hollow little laugh at that last suggestion which had been a sort of joke but it came out laden with irony and self-loathing. "I'm sorry, that wasn't funny" she apologised.
"I must be crazy..." he told her as he stood up. "What you could have done with that little act could have had serious consequences for me, I can't be sure, I don't know what they would have done with me but it wouldn't have been pretty...and no I'm not happy, I'm angry, really angry...but I'm not going to see you out on the streets as it were..." he swallowed hard. "You can stay here, in the other room, surprised by that? So am I"
"That is not surprising actually, it fits with what i have come to understand of you. You're a good man, Doctor Ryan Milarno. Thank you. But I could not, in all conscience, put you through this when i have been so dishonest with you up until now. It's dishonourable enough that I let this go so far but to now accept your hospitality and protection would be monstrous." she sighed and shook her head.
"Illiana...I'm not happy about you right now, of course I'm not but you need my help just like a patient would, this is just different, on another level...I can forgive in time...the offers open for ten seconds, decide" he told her.
"I cannot accept your kindness to me as a patient who needs care. It would be wrong to take that sort of advantage of your chivalry and charity when I have been willing to do you wrong - even if i didn't see it through in the end. I have to start defining right from wrong from now on." she turned but then seemed to make a decision, turned back quickly and kissed his cheek unexpectedly before muttering "Thank you for showing me how to do the right thing" and fleeing, tears welling that she was determined not to shed or show until she was alone.
Ryan was left standing stunned by the turn of events, confusion clouded his thoughts but what he did know was all of a sudden he was concerned for her now; although he didn't know about the plan now he told himself he should have played along, accepted her closeness toward him since their first meeting in sickbay when she showed him some attention, now she was gone and he couldn't help but blame himself a little. She mattered to him now, and he didn't know what to do with that feeling.
A JP Between:
Lieutenant Ryan Milarno
ACMO
DS5
&
Illiana Novek
Civilian & Spy
Played By Jools