Unity – *Backpost* "I Don't Need A Counsellor" Part 2
by Lieutenant Ryan Milarno & Commander Chelsea Dunham
Post Details
OLD:
Pia bit her lip. "We have reached the crux of the matter very quickly. Do you feel you're happy to talk about this one piece at a time? Or shall we bring this back for another session?" she asked gently.
Ryan smiled. Somebody who would actually listen properly for the first time in a week, since this revelation...another. Came about, no one on Bajor really gave him the time of day. “If you have the time? I’m ok to talk about it one piece at a time” he replied.
NEW:
"I have all the time you need, Ryan" Pia said genuinely. She had only this one case at the moment as she'd been told to put all others aside for it. She got the impression the Medicals feared this guy could get some Cardassian violence with his reverting genes and they wanted her to warn them if that was likely. Pia hadn't liked the idea because it seemed like spying and now she'd met him she felt more on his *side* if there were sides, than those who she was supposed to be working for.
She couldn't help but find herself drawn to Ryan's predicament. He was very likeable and cute with it and she had to tell herself to be careful to stay neutral.
The odd thing was that for once, she didn't *want* to keep neutral. Normally she was happy not to be too involved but this time, she couldn't explain it, she just *felt* this one.
She got up and fetched more drinks. It seemed more caring to get something for him rather than the other way around. It was an old counselling trick but this time Pia did it because she felt comfortable doing it. This wasn't how it was meant to go. She sat down. "Where were you?" she tried to get this back on the professional rails.
Ryan took the drink from her. “Thank you...where was I?” he asked. “What do you mean?”
"Where were you in what you were telling me? Your notes say you suddenly found out you were part Bajoran by accident. It says it made you angry..... " she prompted gently.
"Yeah it did...the lies...the way I changed, just everything turned upside down, it wasn’t a good time for me as you can imagine"
"I can't... imagine how you must have felt, I mean, but I want to try. Can you help me?" she asked. It sounded like Counsellor speak and Pia could hear herself and didn't like how it sounded. She wanted to stop being business like and just be a friend.
“See this...” he held out his right hand in front of her, first the top of it then the palm. “I smashed a mirror...and I refused to have treatment hence the scar...That’s just a fraction of how I can try and show you" he explained.
Pia winced as she looked at the deep scarring. "Why did you want to hurt yourself? Surely you didn't believe you were to blame?" she asked. That was a very leading question and not at all the sort of thing a counsellor was supposed to say but it was a question that came from wanting to defend him from his own anger.
“I did blame myself and the more and more I thought about it I lost control, I began to deal with it all though eventually”
"Do you still blame yourself?" she was horrified to think he should have felt that way.
Ryan looked down at the drink in his hands. "There are days..." he looked back at her.”...you know?"
"Days when you still feel you did something wrong? Something to deserve this? Some way you could have done what differently?" Pia seemed to be filling up with a stronger and stronger desire to protect him.
"Days...when I feel I deserved this" he answered. Ryan had kept these emotions locked away for some time now but now that someone was listening and talking to him about it, those emotions were slowly coming to the surface as his eyes glazed over slightly.
"Deserved it? How the heck do you come to that idea? How do you think you had any choice about who you were born to or ......" she faltered, swallowed hard and looked him right in the eyes.
"Ryan, you grew up human right?" she asked.
"I did yeah" he replied nodding.
"So in many ways, that's what you are. Fundamentally. Are you ok with that so far?" She wasn't meant to be taking charge like this but she couldn't stop herself.
"Yeah I suppose I'm ok with it...just the other species in me, let’s just say confuses me..."
"Okay but why do you think being of the other species is a punishment?" she asked. "Is it because you felt like you were human and being forced to be something else offends you?"
"I know it’s not a punishment but I'm not very good with change, I do feel like this needed to happen...but why? That's what I don't understand, why did they have to lie?"
"They were trying to protect you perhaps? Isn't that what they told you? Trying to keep you safe as a small child for fear that your Bajoran heritage would attract Cardassian attacks? Then later, I suppose it would be hard to try to explain why they never told you..... but if you'd changed someone from what they really are, how do you tell them that you were afraid for them so you made up everything they believed? I can't see a way back, myself." she was thinking out loud.
"Hmmm you're right and that is what they told me and i have to respect and understand that. It's just gunna take a while to come to terms with..." he said as he reached for the damp cloth again.
Pia went to fetch him some more ice-cold water to dip the cloth into. "If you think about it, what if you had a child and some terrible regime threatened his life, wouldn't you do anything.... anything at all, to keep him safe? Would you think to yourself, better not save his life because it might be hard to tell him the truth later?"
"I'd want to keep him safe...they did the right thing" he nodded. he always knew that deep down.
Sitting on the floor in front of him, Pia took his hands in hers and turned his wrists gently over. "And so can you forgive them perhaps? One day?" she asked thoughtfully tracing the scar on his left wrist.
"And when you've forgiven your mother, what about Ryan? Do you think your existence hurt her so much that you can't forgive yourself for being conceived?"
The scar continued to fascinate her as she spoke quietly.
"I know it's not my fault so as long as I already know that...then in time?" he asked.
"I think so." she nodded. "And if you asked her, would your mother regret your birth? no matter how your conception happened, would she have gone to those lengths to hide you if she blamed you? That love wouldn't care if you looked Bajoran, Cardassian or Breen!" she smiled.
"But *I* might worry if you looked Breen...." she smirked, her eyes sparkling.
Ryan chuckled. "My mother wouldn’t regret my birth no" he smiled, comforted by that thought. Ryan thought for a second then gave her a cheeky look. "I know the answer is no but can I have another hypo please?"
"You can't yet but there are other ways to distract you from the pain." she winked. "I make it sound so easy don't I? You can forgive yourself if I give you a load of reasons and you can forget pain if i tell you it's just a matter of distraction. Next I'll be telling you there's no wrong or hurt in the universe just because I say so, right?" she laughed at herself but she was also trying to get him to tell her how much he still felt angry about.
Ryan laughed a little then stopped. "Theres always hurt in the universe...and wrong...I don't see my anger going away....will it?"
"If I'm any good at what I do, i ought to be able to help you work on reducing it. Exponentially, it *might* reduce to a negligible amount... who knows? I could bring up the big guns and see if I can defeat you by dirty tricks instead... if you're going to resist.... " she grinned, anything but threatening at that moment.
"I always resist" he smirked. "Natural reaction" he chuckled as she dabbed his skin with the cloth.
"That might be unwise against an adversary who cheats, like i do." she smirked. "I have to warn you, if you refuse to give up your secret angry feelings, I'll have to bring on the torture!" she joked, flexing her fingers. "I'm going to prescribe a massage of your shoulders and neck, designed to kill two birds with one stone. It should ease some of that tension and make you feel less able to be angry or stressed, taking down some of the pain by easing the tightness in your neck muscles and with all those endorphins released, you should be less susceptible to pain." She went to the replicator for some lightly scented oil and advanced towards him menacingly.
"Well..." he smirked "It’s not every day you’re given a massage....I think I’ll take advantage of this...how you want me?" he asked.
"You'd better take off your shirt or you might get oil on it. And if you lie on the bed, face down, you can talk while i see if this is all theory or if it really helps at all." She said, smiling at him.
As he settled himself ready she stood looking at the oil. "Now do I be really cruel and put it on cold? Or shall I warm my hands? Hmmm...decisions, decisions.... “She chuckled.
Ryan laughed. "Warm them up" he made the decision for her. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to make himself relax a little.
She had no intention of really putting the oil on cold as that would defeat the object of relaxing him and hopefully easing the pain a little, but it was fun pretending she was going to be evil to him.
"Oh.... but..... " she pretended to protest. "You're no fun"
Before he could answer she was already warming the oil container and her hands in a sink full of warm water in the bathroom. When she came back she began to push her oiled palms into the centre of his shoulders and circle them around his spine, applying just the right pressure to really knead out his knotted muscles. She continued in the prescribed pattern to both sides of his shoulders, from one side of his neck to the other and down his spine to his waist. Every movement firm and circular, even, rhythmic and slow. It was carefully designed to push all tension out and ease in a sense of warmth and well-being.
Concentrating on getting the patterns right and the pressure too, Pia didn't say much. About 15 minutes later she stopped gently and sat on the edge of the bed, putting the top back on the oil.
"It's okay, I figure I've punished you enough to absolve you of blame for today at least." she said softly.
Ryan smiled as he sat up on the bed with his legs hanging over the end. "That seemed to have worked...I could sleep for a week now...thank you"
"All part of the service" she grinned. "I should go, then you can make the most of that rest. I guess you probably need it." she recycled the oil and picked up her bag, putting his padd back inside. "Don't get up. I can see myself out. Same time tomorrow?" she said as she moved towards the door.
"Yeah sure" he smiled. "I'll be here"
As the door swished open she stepped out and looked back. "I'll try not to be so mean tomorrow!" she grinned. "Do you play 3dimensional chess by the way?" She didn't wait for an answer but was gone.
Ryan frowned but then smiled, before lying back down properly and thought about the meeting. He never really liked counsellors, but he understood why they sent her, she was the best. And so far, she was helping him a lot; he found it hard to believe that only a few hours ago he was reluctant to even speak to her.
OFF:
Lieutenant Ryan Milarno
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
DS5
&
Ensign Pia Rimmac
Counselor
DS5
NPC'd By Lt. Cmdr Chelsea Adams
by Lieutenant Ryan Milarno & Commander Chelsea Dunham
Post Details
| Title | *Backpost* "I Don't Need A Counsellor" Part 2 | |
| Mission | Unity | |
| Author(s) | Lieutenant Ryan Milarno & Commander Chelsea Dunham | |
| Posted | Sat Apr 17, 2010 @ 10:50pm | |
| Location | Ryan's Quarters | |
| Timeline | SD15 17.45-19.30 |
Pia bit her lip. "We have reached the crux of the matter very quickly. Do you feel you're happy to talk about this one piece at a time? Or shall we bring this back for another session?" she asked gently.
Ryan smiled. Somebody who would actually listen properly for the first time in a week, since this revelation...another. Came about, no one on Bajor really gave him the time of day. “If you have the time? I’m ok to talk about it one piece at a time” he replied.
NEW:
"I have all the time you need, Ryan" Pia said genuinely. She had only this one case at the moment as she'd been told to put all others aside for it. She got the impression the Medicals feared this guy could get some Cardassian violence with his reverting genes and they wanted her to warn them if that was likely. Pia hadn't liked the idea because it seemed like spying and now she'd met him she felt more on his *side* if there were sides, than those who she was supposed to be working for.
She couldn't help but find herself drawn to Ryan's predicament. He was very likeable and cute with it and she had to tell herself to be careful to stay neutral.
The odd thing was that for once, she didn't *want* to keep neutral. Normally she was happy not to be too involved but this time, she couldn't explain it, she just *felt* this one.
She got up and fetched more drinks. It seemed more caring to get something for him rather than the other way around. It was an old counselling trick but this time Pia did it because she felt comfortable doing it. This wasn't how it was meant to go. She sat down. "Where were you?" she tried to get this back on the professional rails.
Ryan took the drink from her. “Thank you...where was I?” he asked. “What do you mean?”
"Where were you in what you were telling me? Your notes say you suddenly found out you were part Bajoran by accident. It says it made you angry..... " she prompted gently.
"Yeah it did...the lies...the way I changed, just everything turned upside down, it wasn’t a good time for me as you can imagine"
"I can't... imagine how you must have felt, I mean, but I want to try. Can you help me?" she asked. It sounded like Counsellor speak and Pia could hear herself and didn't like how it sounded. She wanted to stop being business like and just be a friend.
“See this...” he held out his right hand in front of her, first the top of it then the palm. “I smashed a mirror...and I refused to have treatment hence the scar...That’s just a fraction of how I can try and show you" he explained.
Pia winced as she looked at the deep scarring. "Why did you want to hurt yourself? Surely you didn't believe you were to blame?" she asked. That was a very leading question and not at all the sort of thing a counsellor was supposed to say but it was a question that came from wanting to defend him from his own anger.
“I did blame myself and the more and more I thought about it I lost control, I began to deal with it all though eventually”
"Do you still blame yourself?" she was horrified to think he should have felt that way.
Ryan looked down at the drink in his hands. "There are days..." he looked back at her.”...you know?"
"Days when you still feel you did something wrong? Something to deserve this? Some way you could have done what differently?" Pia seemed to be filling up with a stronger and stronger desire to protect him.
"Days...when I feel I deserved this" he answered. Ryan had kept these emotions locked away for some time now but now that someone was listening and talking to him about it, those emotions were slowly coming to the surface as his eyes glazed over slightly.
"Deserved it? How the heck do you come to that idea? How do you think you had any choice about who you were born to or ......" she faltered, swallowed hard and looked him right in the eyes.
"Ryan, you grew up human right?" she asked.
"I did yeah" he replied nodding.
"So in many ways, that's what you are. Fundamentally. Are you ok with that so far?" She wasn't meant to be taking charge like this but she couldn't stop herself.
"Yeah I suppose I'm ok with it...just the other species in me, let’s just say confuses me..."
"Okay but why do you think being of the other species is a punishment?" she asked. "Is it because you felt like you were human and being forced to be something else offends you?"
"I know it’s not a punishment but I'm not very good with change, I do feel like this needed to happen...but why? That's what I don't understand, why did they have to lie?"
"They were trying to protect you perhaps? Isn't that what they told you? Trying to keep you safe as a small child for fear that your Bajoran heritage would attract Cardassian attacks? Then later, I suppose it would be hard to try to explain why they never told you..... but if you'd changed someone from what they really are, how do you tell them that you were afraid for them so you made up everything they believed? I can't see a way back, myself." she was thinking out loud.
"Hmmm you're right and that is what they told me and i have to respect and understand that. It's just gunna take a while to come to terms with..." he said as he reached for the damp cloth again.
Pia went to fetch him some more ice-cold water to dip the cloth into. "If you think about it, what if you had a child and some terrible regime threatened his life, wouldn't you do anything.... anything at all, to keep him safe? Would you think to yourself, better not save his life because it might be hard to tell him the truth later?"
"I'd want to keep him safe...they did the right thing" he nodded. he always knew that deep down.
Sitting on the floor in front of him, Pia took his hands in hers and turned his wrists gently over. "And so can you forgive them perhaps? One day?" she asked thoughtfully tracing the scar on his left wrist.
"And when you've forgiven your mother, what about Ryan? Do you think your existence hurt her so much that you can't forgive yourself for being conceived?"
The scar continued to fascinate her as she spoke quietly.
"I know it's not my fault so as long as I already know that...then in time?" he asked.
"I think so." she nodded. "And if you asked her, would your mother regret your birth? no matter how your conception happened, would she have gone to those lengths to hide you if she blamed you? That love wouldn't care if you looked Bajoran, Cardassian or Breen!" she smiled.
"But *I* might worry if you looked Breen...." she smirked, her eyes sparkling.
Ryan chuckled. "My mother wouldn’t regret my birth no" he smiled, comforted by that thought. Ryan thought for a second then gave her a cheeky look. "I know the answer is no but can I have another hypo please?"
"You can't yet but there are other ways to distract you from the pain." she winked. "I make it sound so easy don't I? You can forgive yourself if I give you a load of reasons and you can forget pain if i tell you it's just a matter of distraction. Next I'll be telling you there's no wrong or hurt in the universe just because I say so, right?" she laughed at herself but she was also trying to get him to tell her how much he still felt angry about.
Ryan laughed a little then stopped. "Theres always hurt in the universe...and wrong...I don't see my anger going away....will it?"
"If I'm any good at what I do, i ought to be able to help you work on reducing it. Exponentially, it *might* reduce to a negligible amount... who knows? I could bring up the big guns and see if I can defeat you by dirty tricks instead... if you're going to resist.... " she grinned, anything but threatening at that moment.
"I always resist" he smirked. "Natural reaction" he chuckled as she dabbed his skin with the cloth.
"That might be unwise against an adversary who cheats, like i do." she smirked. "I have to warn you, if you refuse to give up your secret angry feelings, I'll have to bring on the torture!" she joked, flexing her fingers. "I'm going to prescribe a massage of your shoulders and neck, designed to kill two birds with one stone. It should ease some of that tension and make you feel less able to be angry or stressed, taking down some of the pain by easing the tightness in your neck muscles and with all those endorphins released, you should be less susceptible to pain." She went to the replicator for some lightly scented oil and advanced towards him menacingly.
"Well..." he smirked "It’s not every day you’re given a massage....I think I’ll take advantage of this...how you want me?" he asked.
"You'd better take off your shirt or you might get oil on it. And if you lie on the bed, face down, you can talk while i see if this is all theory or if it really helps at all." She said, smiling at him.
As he settled himself ready she stood looking at the oil. "Now do I be really cruel and put it on cold? Or shall I warm my hands? Hmmm...decisions, decisions.... “She chuckled.
Ryan laughed. "Warm them up" he made the decision for her. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to make himself relax a little.
She had no intention of really putting the oil on cold as that would defeat the object of relaxing him and hopefully easing the pain a little, but it was fun pretending she was going to be evil to him.
"Oh.... but..... " she pretended to protest. "You're no fun"
Before he could answer she was already warming the oil container and her hands in a sink full of warm water in the bathroom. When she came back she began to push her oiled palms into the centre of his shoulders and circle them around his spine, applying just the right pressure to really knead out his knotted muscles. She continued in the prescribed pattern to both sides of his shoulders, from one side of his neck to the other and down his spine to his waist. Every movement firm and circular, even, rhythmic and slow. It was carefully designed to push all tension out and ease in a sense of warmth and well-being.
Concentrating on getting the patterns right and the pressure too, Pia didn't say much. About 15 minutes later she stopped gently and sat on the edge of the bed, putting the top back on the oil.
"It's okay, I figure I've punished you enough to absolve you of blame for today at least." she said softly.
Ryan smiled as he sat up on the bed with his legs hanging over the end. "That seemed to have worked...I could sleep for a week now...thank you"
"All part of the service" she grinned. "I should go, then you can make the most of that rest. I guess you probably need it." she recycled the oil and picked up her bag, putting his padd back inside. "Don't get up. I can see myself out. Same time tomorrow?" she said as she moved towards the door.
"Yeah sure" he smiled. "I'll be here"
As the door swished open she stepped out and looked back. "I'll try not to be so mean tomorrow!" she grinned. "Do you play 3dimensional chess by the way?" She didn't wait for an answer but was gone.
Ryan frowned but then smiled, before lying back down properly and thought about the meeting. He never really liked counsellors, but he understood why they sent her, she was the best. And so far, she was helping him a lot; he found it hard to believe that only a few hours ago he was reluctant to even speak to her.
OFF:
Lieutenant Ryan Milarno
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
DS5
&
Ensign Pia Rimmac
Counselor
DS5
NPC'd By Lt. Cmdr Chelsea Adams