Deception: The lesser part of Valour – Confessions
by Lieutenant Commander Jarred Wallace & Lieutenant Jana Kasikova
Post Details
Jarred pushed the door chime button outside Lt. Kasikova's office. He managed to avoid this for two weeks' and finally decided to make an appearance'.
"Ugh!" Zorana exclaimed, she had finished her reports for the night and was ready to head to bed. It had been a long day and all she wanted was to unwind. "Come in." She placed her lips into a fake smile.
Jarred leisurely stepped into the office, it had a almost clinical feel, ~too late now old boy your committed~ he groused and then said "I hope its not too late to stop in?" Jarred asked, Fully aware it was.
"Actually, I was closing down office for the day, what can I do for you Mr. Wallace? Got another ship I can almost be killed on?"She asked sarcastically.
Jarred already thought this was a waste of his time, but decided to be humble. "Not this week, we did have an appointment? Or was that just posturing Lieutenant?" Jarred sniped back.
"Oh I already did my report. I have declared you clinically insane." She smiled, "of course after that stunt on the Legacy..."
Jarred thought about smashing her skull into a bulkhead, then remembered he wasn't aboard a Klingon ship, "considering that drone had a Cardassian disruptor set on level 8 you should be thanking me," Jarred volleyed back. "We'd be having two funerals instead of one, but then again you've never been in combat, real combat. not that holodeck simulation you call a workout."
"Thank you." She said acidly.She wrapped her arms around her chest. "Sit down please and we can get this over with...although I have already put in my report that you are reckless and clearly have no respect for authority. Is there anything else you care to add?" She asked.
Jarred reflected on that last statement for a moment, then chose his words carefully "If you knew what I've done in the past that statement wouldn't exactly be valid. that includes saving you and the other 8 from the chandler." Jarred began "The distress signal was so bloody weak no one could've gotten to you in time, My ship happened too be in the area on a recon mission when we went in to help."
"Why? Why do you keep bringing that up? Do I owe you something Jarred? I kept them all alive until you got there...I'm not an engineer...not even a medic so stop dredging this up! I don't want to hear it anymore." She hugged herself as if she was cold, she wasn't really but the flashbacks were starting again...the red alert alarm was dull whisper in her ear. She wanted him to leave but she wasn't going to let on that she still was suffering flashbacks.
Jarred mused for a second he knew that was a baited question somehow. Jarred replied "for the better part of two years I've been dealing with the one thing that never made sense about that whole thing, I got a thank you" jarred stopped collected his breath "I've been shot at, Blown-up, stabbed so many times I can't count that high, even jumped out of the back of a low orbiting starship, but in all that time I've never been thanked by anyone."
"Would you rather I yell at you or hit you for the way that you have treated me over the last couple of days?"
Jarred promptly fired back "did you actually look at my personal file?" He paused, "maybe you should before you judge me, not that you already have. I've done things that would give you nightmares for weeks, killed countless people, for what? Three demotions, two months in the brig, and 18 months on a Klingon ship dodging Dominion ships while people like you and half the bloody command staff only saw the war from a console, I saw it first hand, there are days I wish I was still in jail instead of being starfleets dirty deeds man!"
Zorana was going to add post traumatic stress to the report that she had already written about Jarred Wallace. She gave herself a mental note to do so when he left. "Yes I had a look at your personnel file. What kind of psychological professional would I be if I didn't? Not that I could get much information from it since most of it is blacked out." She sighed.
"Don't bother with post-traumatic stress crap." Jarred hissed. "I'm tired of hearing it from counselors. I'm here because of some pretty little conselor who thought an assignment away from a Galactic hot spot might do me some good. I'm ready to resign anyways, I'm done with the rule book, I'm also done with starfleet and there damn secrets."
She looked stunned at him, she forgot that he was telepathic and it bothered her more than it should that he could read her thoughts. "Yes, well you certainly have the symptoms of PTSD. I never did say that you had it, I think it's a possibility. I would need to talk to you further about it but if you feel it necessary to quit Starfleet...if you think your life and mental health will be better then by all means go ahead. But I have seen this before Mr. Wallace...and it doesn't end well for those that don't have a routine, structure, or people who might understand (even a little bit) what you are going through."
"Since my brother died I've been looking for a reason to leave starfleet, I keep getting pulled back in, each time I have a resignation letter I can't do it, so I take the most dangerous and most unlikely to succeed missions and I manage too pull off some kind of miracle." Jarred paused, "he died on the same day I saved you. I was supposed to be part of the re-enforcements that were to support his unit during an ugly boarder skirmish with the Klingons."
"I'm so sorry." Was the only thing she could whisper, how could she repay him? He had lost his brother while saving her and the crew from the ship. The red alert alarm was growing louder in her ears.
Jarred slumped down in a chair and looked at the floor. "I'm too good at my job to simply walk away, I've been on missions that will never make the offical record." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a PADD, "I was gonna resign after this meeting, might still do it, but for now i'm gonna have to be someones guardian angel."
Zorana walked to him, knelt down in front of him and looked at him. ~You have saved me more than once Jarred...let me save you now.~ She thought.
Jarred just looked at her, the thoughts she had rushed through him. "You're not an empath and yet you talk like one sometimes. guess we're all not perfect." He resisted the other urge that suddenly filled him.
"I was taught by Fr..." She cut herself off, she was not going to repeat his name and swiftly pushed the memories from her head before Jarred could read them. She looked away.
"guess I'm not the only one with secrets." jarred suddenly remarked.
"Yes...maybe another time Wallace...not tonight." She was too tired to pull forward those memories, she didn't want to remember any of it...not him and not the Chandler.
"You're right, I have a briefing at 0800 tomorrow and the acting C.O. has a meeting with Lt. Gabriel, I should leave." Jarred stated.
"Yes...I think it would be a good idea..." She turned, slowly walking to her desk, reaching for the PADDs to shove them in the drawer. For a counselor she was too emotionally drained from the last couple of days. She needed tonight to regroup so she could go on tomorrow, even if it was just through the motions.
Jarred stood, he sensed her mental fatigue and could feel his own. "No hard feelings?" Jarred extended his scared hand.
"None." She turned to him and took his hand, "promise." But as she spoke she already knew that he knew.
Jarred looked at Zorana he didn't want to do anything foolish and left, the door hissed closed as he walked out.
Zorana didn't watch him leave, she had already turned facing her desk and braced herself against the desk forcing herself to breathe. Once she had her breathing under control she turned and left her office. She went to her quarters falling immediately on the bed, not bothering to get out of her uniform. The fight and then preceeding conversation with Wallace kept running through her head. She closed her eyes tightly wanted to push it away. She was mentally exhausted and wanted nothing more than sleep but it would not come to her. Zorana still heard the alarm in her ears, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She laid in bed praying for the one thing that was being denied her at the moment, she prayed for the numbness to return.
Jarred sat in his quarters, looking out the window again. He knew there was something special about Zorana but he didn't want to test the waters right now, he had other things to worry about. There was an odd void in the room, or was it in his mind? Tomorrow was another day, and one day closer to who knows...
Lt. (jg) Zorana Kasikova
Chief Counselor
&
Ensign Jarred Wallace
Assistant Chief Intelligence officer
by Lieutenant Commander Jarred Wallace & Lieutenant Jana Kasikova
Post Details
| Title | Confessions | |
| Mission | Deception: The lesser part of Valour | |
| Author(s) | Lieutenant Commander Jarred Wallace & Lieutenant Jana Kasikova | |
| Posted | Wed Jan 21, 2009 @ 12:15am | |
| Location | Counselor's Office | |
| Timeline | SD6 1708hrs |
"Ugh!" Zorana exclaimed, she had finished her reports for the night and was ready to head to bed. It had been a long day and all she wanted was to unwind. "Come in." She placed her lips into a fake smile.
Jarred leisurely stepped into the office, it had a almost clinical feel, ~too late now old boy your committed~ he groused and then said "I hope its not too late to stop in?" Jarred asked, Fully aware it was.
"Actually, I was closing down office for the day, what can I do for you Mr. Wallace? Got another ship I can almost be killed on?"She asked sarcastically.
Jarred already thought this was a waste of his time, but decided to be humble. "Not this week, we did have an appointment? Or was that just posturing Lieutenant?" Jarred sniped back.
"Oh I already did my report. I have declared you clinically insane." She smiled, "of course after that stunt on the Legacy..."
Jarred thought about smashing her skull into a bulkhead, then remembered he wasn't aboard a Klingon ship, "considering that drone had a Cardassian disruptor set on level 8 you should be thanking me," Jarred volleyed back. "We'd be having two funerals instead of one, but then again you've never been in combat, real combat. not that holodeck simulation you call a workout."
"Thank you." She said acidly.She wrapped her arms around her chest. "Sit down please and we can get this over with...although I have already put in my report that you are reckless and clearly have no respect for authority. Is there anything else you care to add?" She asked.
Jarred reflected on that last statement for a moment, then chose his words carefully "If you knew what I've done in the past that statement wouldn't exactly be valid. that includes saving you and the other 8 from the chandler." Jarred began "The distress signal was so bloody weak no one could've gotten to you in time, My ship happened too be in the area on a recon mission when we went in to help."
"Why? Why do you keep bringing that up? Do I owe you something Jarred? I kept them all alive until you got there...I'm not an engineer...not even a medic so stop dredging this up! I don't want to hear it anymore." She hugged herself as if she was cold, she wasn't really but the flashbacks were starting again...the red alert alarm was dull whisper in her ear. She wanted him to leave but she wasn't going to let on that she still was suffering flashbacks.
Jarred mused for a second he knew that was a baited question somehow. Jarred replied "for the better part of two years I've been dealing with the one thing that never made sense about that whole thing, I got a thank you" jarred stopped collected his breath "I've been shot at, Blown-up, stabbed so many times I can't count that high, even jumped out of the back of a low orbiting starship, but in all that time I've never been thanked by anyone."
"Would you rather I yell at you or hit you for the way that you have treated me over the last couple of days?"
Jarred promptly fired back "did you actually look at my personal file?" He paused, "maybe you should before you judge me, not that you already have. I've done things that would give you nightmares for weeks, killed countless people, for what? Three demotions, two months in the brig, and 18 months on a Klingon ship dodging Dominion ships while people like you and half the bloody command staff only saw the war from a console, I saw it first hand, there are days I wish I was still in jail instead of being starfleets dirty deeds man!"
Zorana was going to add post traumatic stress to the report that she had already written about Jarred Wallace. She gave herself a mental note to do so when he left. "Yes I had a look at your personnel file. What kind of psychological professional would I be if I didn't? Not that I could get much information from it since most of it is blacked out." She sighed.
"Don't bother with post-traumatic stress crap." Jarred hissed. "I'm tired of hearing it from counselors. I'm here because of some pretty little conselor who thought an assignment away from a Galactic hot spot might do me some good. I'm ready to resign anyways, I'm done with the rule book, I'm also done with starfleet and there damn secrets."
She looked stunned at him, she forgot that he was telepathic and it bothered her more than it should that he could read her thoughts. "Yes, well you certainly have the symptoms of PTSD. I never did say that you had it, I think it's a possibility. I would need to talk to you further about it but if you feel it necessary to quit Starfleet...if you think your life and mental health will be better then by all means go ahead. But I have seen this before Mr. Wallace...and it doesn't end well for those that don't have a routine, structure, or people who might understand (even a little bit) what you are going through."
"Since my brother died I've been looking for a reason to leave starfleet, I keep getting pulled back in, each time I have a resignation letter I can't do it, so I take the most dangerous and most unlikely to succeed missions and I manage too pull off some kind of miracle." Jarred paused, "he died on the same day I saved you. I was supposed to be part of the re-enforcements that were to support his unit during an ugly boarder skirmish with the Klingons."
"I'm so sorry." Was the only thing she could whisper, how could she repay him? He had lost his brother while saving her and the crew from the ship. The red alert alarm was growing louder in her ears.
Jarred slumped down in a chair and looked at the floor. "I'm too good at my job to simply walk away, I've been on missions that will never make the offical record." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a PADD, "I was gonna resign after this meeting, might still do it, but for now i'm gonna have to be someones guardian angel."
Zorana walked to him, knelt down in front of him and looked at him. ~You have saved me more than once Jarred...let me save you now.~ She thought.
Jarred just looked at her, the thoughts she had rushed through him. "You're not an empath and yet you talk like one sometimes. guess we're all not perfect." He resisted the other urge that suddenly filled him.
"I was taught by Fr..." She cut herself off, she was not going to repeat his name and swiftly pushed the memories from her head before Jarred could read them. She looked away.
"guess I'm not the only one with secrets." jarred suddenly remarked.
"Yes...maybe another time Wallace...not tonight." She was too tired to pull forward those memories, she didn't want to remember any of it...not him and not the Chandler.
"You're right, I have a briefing at 0800 tomorrow and the acting C.O. has a meeting with Lt. Gabriel, I should leave." Jarred stated.
"Yes...I think it would be a good idea..." She turned, slowly walking to her desk, reaching for the PADDs to shove them in the drawer. For a counselor she was too emotionally drained from the last couple of days. She needed tonight to regroup so she could go on tomorrow, even if it was just through the motions.
Jarred stood, he sensed her mental fatigue and could feel his own. "No hard feelings?" Jarred extended his scared hand.
"None." She turned to him and took his hand, "promise." But as she spoke she already knew that he knew.
Jarred looked at Zorana he didn't want to do anything foolish and left, the door hissed closed as he walked out.
Zorana didn't watch him leave, she had already turned facing her desk and braced herself against the desk forcing herself to breathe. Once she had her breathing under control she turned and left her office. She went to her quarters falling immediately on the bed, not bothering to get out of her uniform. The fight and then preceeding conversation with Wallace kept running through her head. She closed her eyes tightly wanted to push it away. She was mentally exhausted and wanted nothing more than sleep but it would not come to her. Zorana still heard the alarm in her ears, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She laid in bed praying for the one thing that was being denied her at the moment, she prayed for the numbness to return.
Jarred sat in his quarters, looking out the window again. He knew there was something special about Zorana but he didn't want to test the waters right now, he had other things to worry about. There was an odd void in the room, or was it in his mind? Tomorrow was another day, and one day closer to who knows...
Lt. (jg) Zorana Kasikova
Chief Counselor
&
Ensign Jarred Wallace
Assistant Chief Intelligence officer