Beg, Steal or Borrow – For Good Times, and Bad Times
by Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
By morning, Rakka felt her mind had cleared somewhat. She hadn't slept, only sat in her bathtub bleeding and mourning.
The cuts on her arms had now begun to heal over, and with great care, she dressed and dragged herself out into the corridor. Her night had been so emotionally taxing that she now felt rather numbed. Still, she was compelled to visit the one friend she had.
She chimed at Petro's quarters.
Petro towel dryed her hair, wearing a bathrobe and some slippers that she had purchased at one of the shops. Though both the robe and slippers were white, she felt that they had an aire of femininity. With towel in hand, wiping at what little hair was still wet, she opened the door for whoever it was that would be visiting her at that hour of the morning to gain entry. There were very few people that came to her quarters and with Tahir gone, the only person that it could be was Rakka.
When the door opened, she looked at her friend and despite the naturally gruff look that the Nausicaan had, Petro could tell that there was something the matter. It might have been in her eyes or in the way she carried herself, but Petro knew that all was not well with her friend.
"Morning," Rakka said, her voice even more hoarse than usual. "I, uh... came to see... how you were doing." She looked at her friend's garments. "Have I... come at a bad time?"
Petro smiled. "No. Perfect timing actually. I just finished with the shower and have a little time before I have to be ready for the day." She gestured for her friend to enter. "No need to stand out in the corridor."
Rakka stepped inside her quarters, treading carefully and glancing around. Her arms were tightly crossed; she could feel the stinging of her recent wounds. "How are your assignments for the Academy? I'm so proud of you, you know...."
The J'nai watched Rakka with interest. There was something bothering her, but she would have to tell her in her own time and in her own way. She almost missed the question, contemplating what was the matter.
"Oh, they're fine. It's a heavy load, working on it and trying to maintain things around the station." Petro said. She looked up and smiled. "But I'm managing." She walked over to the replicator and ordered two extra large hot chocolates, an apple fritter and a bear claw. When they materialized she set them on the table in front of her sofa. "I'm told that these were once considered a staple for human breakfast."
Rakka sat on the couch, took up the hot chocolate, and drank deep. There was a period of silence. "Sorry, I'm... a bit tired."
"So I've noticed." Petro said, concerned. "You seem like you've had a bad night." Like most of their conversations, Petro didn't want to push her friend to talk about anything she didn't want to, but their relationship had grown considerably since they first met and at some point she would have to be straightforward.
Rakka sniffed and stared down into her mug. She then set it down and slid to the floor, using the couch as a back rest. It was nice to look up at Petro for a change. Her shoulders were just above Petro's knees as she sat.
"YInchu' and I are... finished," the Nausicaan said in a low voice.
Petro had seen many relationships end, begin and end again with humans. For them, it seemed like a sort of past time. This wasn't the case for Rakka. For her, relationships like this were not easily come by. She tried to think of something comforting to say, but without knowing more about it or if is was something that was better for Rakka, she couldn't think of anything. It was obvious that Rakka was hurt by it, but was she hurt because the relationship was over or because it was an end of something?
"What happened?" she asked, unable to think of anything else.
Rakka crossed her arms on top of her knees, leaning on them. "I... he..." she started, and then stopped, sighing. "Well... I guess... I disappointed him a lot. I don't like... being touched... and I told him that from the start. I guess he got fed up. He got... rough with me. It's not that I couldn't have beat him down if I needed to. I just... I got really scared. He thought I was strong, but... I guess I showed him too much of myself. Inside. I get scared sometimes, Petro... I hate it. And he hated it too. I disgusted him. Pathetic. I can't believe myself."
Petro listened, her heart pounding in slow motion as Rakka spoke. "Everyone gets scared." Petro said, "except maybe the Borg. You are the strongest person I know. You've helped me be stronger than I am, to believe in who I am and not be worried about what other people are trying to think I'm supposed to be." Petro rested her hand on Rakka's shoulder. "He knew you don't like to be touched and he's a Klingon. Maybe he expected you to act like a Klingon female. You are not a Klingon. You shouldn't be expected to act like one." Even as the words came out of her mouth, Petro wondered if she was making any sense. "You are not Pathetic. If he was disgusted than it was because of his own limitations, not yours."
Rakka swallowed hard. "I know I shouldn't have been with him in the first place. I shouldn't be feeling this horrid. But now I'm... accustomed... to having someone... close... and now that he's gone, it feels... lonely." She sighed hard and dug her fingers into her scalp in frustration. "I just don't know how to act sometimes!" she burst out. "People hate me if I act like a Nausicaan... but they seem to lose all respect for me if I show some... feeling. Like speaking at Riley's funeral... I felt like I needed to do it, but... I got the sense that some people just didn't look at me the same after that. How much of a Nausicaan am I supposed to be? How much can I open up to people... without losing my credibility? I have so many... feelings... I don't talk about them... I don't even know what half of them are, or what to do with them." She lifted her head. "You're so lucky to be you. You're so beautiful and small... and you don't even have to be a particular gender if you don't want to. I'm supposed to be a female, and I don't know how to act it! Most males are... threatened... by strong females. But I'm not strong enough for the ones that aren't. What the hell am I supposed to be?"
The old saying of 'just be yourself' didn't seem to fit here. Rakka wasn't sure who herself was supposed to be. Petro looked down at her friend. "I'm not lucky because I'm J'Naii. How does a J'Naii have a relationship with anyone who is not a J'Naii? I'm lucky because I have a friend like you who doesn't care if I'm male or female. Masculin or Feminine. Klingon women are masculin. I think all Klingons are. Nausicaan females, from what I've read, are warriors in their own right but dominated by the masculin males. I think most people of most species are confused about masculin and feminine. Is one weaker than the other or does one have more emotion than the other?"
Petro picked up her drink from the table and took a sip. It was still warm and she let the chocolate flow down her throat before she continued. "Most males are intimidated by females whether they are strong or not and most females want strong males but not too strong. How does one be one or the other?" she asked, the question as much for herself as it was for Rakka.
Rakka took a deep breath, about to ask Petro not to tell anyone anything she had said.... but she knew right away that she didn't have to ask. "What if yInchu' was my only chance?" she whispered. "What if no one else will ever want me?"
"Then they don't know what they missed." Petro answered without hesitation. "yInchu' wasn't right for you. Anyone who won't take the time to get to know you isn't." She thought about Riley and the way that Rakka expressed herself at his funeral. "I'm sure there are others out there that would like you for who you are. If they can get past being afraid."
Rakka drained her hot chocolate. "People will like you too," she offered. "You know... when you wore that dress... that red dress... a lot of men were watching you. I didn't know whether to protect you... or feel proud just to be your friend."
Petro smiled. She hadn't noticed anyone noticing her. "I didn't notice." she admitted. "What did you think about it?"
"What--the dress? You looked... magnificent. Like a fantasy. I... suppose I might have said so before, but... of course, that turned out to be a rather eventful day...." She thought of Riley for a few moments. "Anyway... you ought to find some reason to wear it again."
Petro thought about it. "Perhaps." she said softly. "Maybe one night we could have dinner. Just you and me. We could, how do they say it? Have a girls night out?"
Rakka felt momentarily cheered, but then sadness took over again. "What would I wear?" she wondered. She hardly owned anything other than her uniform, and pyjamas.
The petite J'Nai thought about it for a moment then an idea struck her. "We could do what terran females do. We could go shopping." Petro said. "We could go after my studies."
Rakka sighed. "I suppose it's about time." She turned her mind back to her work, hoping there would still be a station to shop at in a few days. "I'm going to be pretty busy over the next little while. I... I can't tell you what's happening, but there are... worries. I need to be really focused on my duties. But I'll set aside time for you as soon as things have calmed down. You worry about your studies... I mean, not 'worry', I'm sure you'll do great... but... you know what I mean."
Petro nodded. She understood what Rakka meant, about the studies anyway. As for what was going on in the station that had Rakka more concerned than normal, that she didn't understand. "I look forward to it." she said.
Rakka gazed up at her friend, feeling much calmed. She had wanted to spill everything... what she had found on Riley's personal logs, the pregnancy she never knew about until last night... the things that were buried deep inside and gnawed away. But right now she felt they had reached a perfect moment, and she didn't want to spoil it by bringing up more hurt.
"Thanks for being my friend," she said. "I never knew I could feel so much better so fast. What did I ever do without you?"
"I'm not sure. I wasn't there." Petro said, smiling.
**************
Rakka & Petro, BFF!
by Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro
Post Details
| Title | For Good Times, and Bad Times | |
| Mission | Beg, Steal or Borrow | |
| Author(s) | Commander Rakka & Lieutenant JG Petro | |
| Posted | Sun Feb 08, 2009 @ 12:17am | |
| Location | Crew Quarters | |
| Timeline | SD8, 0600ish |
The cuts on her arms had now begun to heal over, and with great care, she dressed and dragged herself out into the corridor. Her night had been so emotionally taxing that she now felt rather numbed. Still, she was compelled to visit the one friend she had.
She chimed at Petro's quarters.
Petro towel dryed her hair, wearing a bathrobe and some slippers that she had purchased at one of the shops. Though both the robe and slippers were white, she felt that they had an aire of femininity. With towel in hand, wiping at what little hair was still wet, she opened the door for whoever it was that would be visiting her at that hour of the morning to gain entry. There were very few people that came to her quarters and with Tahir gone, the only person that it could be was Rakka.
When the door opened, she looked at her friend and despite the naturally gruff look that the Nausicaan had, Petro could tell that there was something the matter. It might have been in her eyes or in the way she carried herself, but Petro knew that all was not well with her friend.
"Morning," Rakka said, her voice even more hoarse than usual. "I, uh... came to see... how you were doing." She looked at her friend's garments. "Have I... come at a bad time?"
Petro smiled. "No. Perfect timing actually. I just finished with the shower and have a little time before I have to be ready for the day." She gestured for her friend to enter. "No need to stand out in the corridor."
Rakka stepped inside her quarters, treading carefully and glancing around. Her arms were tightly crossed; she could feel the stinging of her recent wounds. "How are your assignments for the Academy? I'm so proud of you, you know...."
The J'nai watched Rakka with interest. There was something bothering her, but she would have to tell her in her own time and in her own way. She almost missed the question, contemplating what was the matter.
"Oh, they're fine. It's a heavy load, working on it and trying to maintain things around the station." Petro said. She looked up and smiled. "But I'm managing." She walked over to the replicator and ordered two extra large hot chocolates, an apple fritter and a bear claw. When they materialized she set them on the table in front of her sofa. "I'm told that these were once considered a staple for human breakfast."
Rakka sat on the couch, took up the hot chocolate, and drank deep. There was a period of silence. "Sorry, I'm... a bit tired."
"So I've noticed." Petro said, concerned. "You seem like you've had a bad night." Like most of their conversations, Petro didn't want to push her friend to talk about anything she didn't want to, but their relationship had grown considerably since they first met and at some point she would have to be straightforward.
Rakka sniffed and stared down into her mug. She then set it down and slid to the floor, using the couch as a back rest. It was nice to look up at Petro for a change. Her shoulders were just above Petro's knees as she sat.
"YInchu' and I are... finished," the Nausicaan said in a low voice.
Petro had seen many relationships end, begin and end again with humans. For them, it seemed like a sort of past time. This wasn't the case for Rakka. For her, relationships like this were not easily come by. She tried to think of something comforting to say, but without knowing more about it or if is was something that was better for Rakka, she couldn't think of anything. It was obvious that Rakka was hurt by it, but was she hurt because the relationship was over or because it was an end of something?
"What happened?" she asked, unable to think of anything else.
Rakka crossed her arms on top of her knees, leaning on them. "I... he..." she started, and then stopped, sighing. "Well... I guess... I disappointed him a lot. I don't like... being touched... and I told him that from the start. I guess he got fed up. He got... rough with me. It's not that I couldn't have beat him down if I needed to. I just... I got really scared. He thought I was strong, but... I guess I showed him too much of myself. Inside. I get scared sometimes, Petro... I hate it. And he hated it too. I disgusted him. Pathetic. I can't believe myself."
Petro listened, her heart pounding in slow motion as Rakka spoke. "Everyone gets scared." Petro said, "except maybe the Borg. You are the strongest person I know. You've helped me be stronger than I am, to believe in who I am and not be worried about what other people are trying to think I'm supposed to be." Petro rested her hand on Rakka's shoulder. "He knew you don't like to be touched and he's a Klingon. Maybe he expected you to act like a Klingon female. You are not a Klingon. You shouldn't be expected to act like one." Even as the words came out of her mouth, Petro wondered if she was making any sense. "You are not Pathetic. If he was disgusted than it was because of his own limitations, not yours."
Rakka swallowed hard. "I know I shouldn't have been with him in the first place. I shouldn't be feeling this horrid. But now I'm... accustomed... to having someone... close... and now that he's gone, it feels... lonely." She sighed hard and dug her fingers into her scalp in frustration. "I just don't know how to act sometimes!" she burst out. "People hate me if I act like a Nausicaan... but they seem to lose all respect for me if I show some... feeling. Like speaking at Riley's funeral... I felt like I needed to do it, but... I got the sense that some people just didn't look at me the same after that. How much of a Nausicaan am I supposed to be? How much can I open up to people... without losing my credibility? I have so many... feelings... I don't talk about them... I don't even know what half of them are, or what to do with them." She lifted her head. "You're so lucky to be you. You're so beautiful and small... and you don't even have to be a particular gender if you don't want to. I'm supposed to be a female, and I don't know how to act it! Most males are... threatened... by strong females. But I'm not strong enough for the ones that aren't. What the hell am I supposed to be?"
The old saying of 'just be yourself' didn't seem to fit here. Rakka wasn't sure who herself was supposed to be. Petro looked down at her friend. "I'm not lucky because I'm J'Naii. How does a J'Naii have a relationship with anyone who is not a J'Naii? I'm lucky because I have a friend like you who doesn't care if I'm male or female. Masculin or Feminine. Klingon women are masculin. I think all Klingons are. Nausicaan females, from what I've read, are warriors in their own right but dominated by the masculin males. I think most people of most species are confused about masculin and feminine. Is one weaker than the other or does one have more emotion than the other?"
Petro picked up her drink from the table and took a sip. It was still warm and she let the chocolate flow down her throat before she continued. "Most males are intimidated by females whether they are strong or not and most females want strong males but not too strong. How does one be one or the other?" she asked, the question as much for herself as it was for Rakka.
Rakka took a deep breath, about to ask Petro not to tell anyone anything she had said.... but she knew right away that she didn't have to ask. "What if yInchu' was my only chance?" she whispered. "What if no one else will ever want me?"
"Then they don't know what they missed." Petro answered without hesitation. "yInchu' wasn't right for you. Anyone who won't take the time to get to know you isn't." She thought about Riley and the way that Rakka expressed herself at his funeral. "I'm sure there are others out there that would like you for who you are. If they can get past being afraid."
Rakka drained her hot chocolate. "People will like you too," she offered. "You know... when you wore that dress... that red dress... a lot of men were watching you. I didn't know whether to protect you... or feel proud just to be your friend."
Petro smiled. She hadn't noticed anyone noticing her. "I didn't notice." she admitted. "What did you think about it?"
"What--the dress? You looked... magnificent. Like a fantasy. I... suppose I might have said so before, but... of course, that turned out to be a rather eventful day...." She thought of Riley for a few moments. "Anyway... you ought to find some reason to wear it again."
Petro thought about it. "Perhaps." she said softly. "Maybe one night we could have dinner. Just you and me. We could, how do they say it? Have a girls night out?"
Rakka felt momentarily cheered, but then sadness took over again. "What would I wear?" she wondered. She hardly owned anything other than her uniform, and pyjamas.
The petite J'Nai thought about it for a moment then an idea struck her. "We could do what terran females do. We could go shopping." Petro said. "We could go after my studies."
Rakka sighed. "I suppose it's about time." She turned her mind back to her work, hoping there would still be a station to shop at in a few days. "I'm going to be pretty busy over the next little while. I... I can't tell you what's happening, but there are... worries. I need to be really focused on my duties. But I'll set aside time for you as soon as things have calmed down. You worry about your studies... I mean, not 'worry', I'm sure you'll do great... but... you know what I mean."
Petro nodded. She understood what Rakka meant, about the studies anyway. As for what was going on in the station that had Rakka more concerned than normal, that she didn't understand. "I look forward to it." she said.
Rakka gazed up at her friend, feeling much calmed. She had wanted to spill everything... what she had found on Riley's personal logs, the pregnancy she never knew about until last night... the things that were buried deep inside and gnawed away. But right now she felt they had reached a perfect moment, and she didn't want to spoil it by bringing up more hurt.
"Thanks for being my friend," she said. "I never knew I could feel so much better so fast. What did I ever do without you?"
"I'm not sure. I wasn't there." Petro said, smiling.
**************
Rakka & Petro, BFF!